Page 10
E S S A Y S
By The Number
Though not written by either Ralph or myself, the following poem was originally intended for use as part of the MOMENTUMS series. Used here without the author's permission, neither his endorsement of, nor his agreement with, any of the views expressed in this website are implied or should be inferred. We just really liked his poem. I still do and here it is.
Fig. 1. Tombstone. I thought the picture fit well with the poem
Peter Sloterdijk (born June 26, 1947) is a German philosopher, cultural theorist, television host and columnist. He is a professor of philosophy and
media theory at the University of Art and Design Karlsruhe. He co-hosted the German show Im Glashaus: Das Philosophische Quartett until 2012.
media theory at the University of Art and Design Karlsruhe. He co-hosted the German show Im Glashaus: Das Philosophische Quartett until 2012.
e48
CRITIQUE of CYNICAL REASON
by Peter Sloterdijk
The atomic bomb is the Buddha of the West,
A perfect, detached, sovereign apparatus.
Unmoving, it rests in its silo,
Purest actuality and purest potentiality.
It is the embodiment of cosmic energies,
And humans share in these,
The highest accomplishment of the human race and its destroyer.
The triumph of technical rationality,
And its dissolution into paranoia.
Its repose and its irony are endless.
It is the same to the bomb, how it fulfills its mission,
Whether in silent waiting or as a cloud of fire.
For it, the change of conditioned states,
Does not count.
As with the Buddha, all there is to say is said by its mere existence.
It is not a bit more evil than reality,
And not a hair more destructive than we are.
It is not only our unfolding,
But a material expression of our ways.
It is already completely incarnate,
While we, in comparison, are still divided.
In the face of such an instrument,
Great listening is called for,
Rather than strategic considerations.
The bomb requires from us neither struggle nor resignation,
But experience of ourselves.
We are it.
A perfect, detached, sovereign apparatus.
Unmoving, it rests in its silo,
Purest actuality and purest potentiality.
It is the embodiment of cosmic energies,
And humans share in these,
The highest accomplishment of the human race and its destroyer.
The triumph of technical rationality,
And its dissolution into paranoia.
Its repose and its irony are endless.
It is the same to the bomb, how it fulfills its mission,
Whether in silent waiting or as a cloud of fire.
For it, the change of conditioned states,
Does not count.
As with the Buddha, all there is to say is said by its mere existence.
It is not a bit more evil than reality,
And not a hair more destructive than we are.
It is not only our unfolding,
But a material expression of our ways.
It is already completely incarnate,
While we, in comparison, are still divided.
In the face of such an instrument,
Great listening is called for,
Rather than strategic considerations.
The bomb requires from us neither struggle nor resignation,
But experience of ourselves.
We are it.
"I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members."
-- Groucho Marx
"I don't care to belong to a church that accepts people like me as members."
-- Robert Anton (with a hat tip to Groucho)
e49
The Toll Road to Damnation
On Death Row, when a condemned prisoner is led from their cell to the nearby execution point (referred to as the "last mile") guards will typically call out, "Dead man walking!" Since the theme of this essay concerns religion and the presumably condemned souls of modern-day heretics, it seemed fitting to imagine the pathway to sin as the ultimate toll road. Or its own last mile.
An old saying exists which suggests, "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." This, of course, refers to how often it seems to happen that when a well-meaning person tries to help someone in trouble, they end up making things worse than before.
If the following saying doesn't already exist, it should: "That besides those good intentions, the road to hell is also paved and maintained by those who believe others are going there."
I was reminded recently of how my immortal soul is in mortal danger. The assertion prompted me to reflect on this notion as a philosophic concept, and to re-evaluate my relationship with friends and acquaintances. Ironically, it did not cause me to rethink my place or ultimate fate within the firmament itself.
The reminder in question came from the unlikeliest of sources. A kindly, well mannered, otherwise very humble, "little old lady" (in the most classic sense of the phrase) uttered the warning. The subject of my endangered soul might never have arisen, but I happened to mention the term, "purgatory" while making some casual comment about one thing or another.
I did know that this person was religious, and I always show the proper respect for the religiosity of others (being the nice guy that I am). Sensitive to what I assumed was her typical conservative outlook on life, I normally shun a discussion of such matters with older folks who are usually well entrenched in their beliefs. For instance, I would never, under any circumstances, intentionally expose my lady friend's sensibilities to this essay. More to the point, I would not want to shake or shatter an elderly person's faith, even if I could. What would be the point? It seems difficult enough just talking to young people about such matters. Unless they're still looking for answers, in which case bring'em on. Not that I have any of the solutions sought, but I'd be happy to help them ask the right questions. I've been in the business of begging questions for sixty years.
And thus it had been for years, minding my own business, until I went and mentioned that teeny little word, purgatory. I can't imagine what must have possessed me to do so. Perhaps I was temporarily possessed for real, by one of those nether world spirits that a lot of these superstitious types tend to see under their beds. Never look under anything, that's my policy. And it must work because I've never seen even one of those spirit things. Although I do constantly scan the skies and have yet to see a UFO. But I digress.
I find it interesting to note how so many people can supposedly know one another for years, be the best of friends, have a positively marvelous relationship, and never once realize (until too late) that a single word -- one solitary idea never before broached -- could suddenly change their relationship forever. And often for the worse.
At this point I have a confession to make, pun intended. I didn't know that it is primarily the Roman Catholics who perpetuate the concept of there being a purgatory, where souls hang suspended in limbo prior to their ascension or descension, if you catch my meaning. Or did I read that the Church changed its mind, and limbo has now gone the same way as the dance style of the same name? Or the same as fish on Friday? What about those last rites not received in time? Things may have changed when I wasn't looking.
To put your mind at immediate ease, by the way, I have no intention of arguing the merits, or lack thereof, pertaining to any religious dogma whatsoever. It's not my desire to argue the case of whether or not Adam and Eve had belly buttons. Despite those renaissance paintings showing them, with them.
As a side note, I've always thought it odd how it was mostly authors and writers who were alleged to have been guided-by -- or spoken-to -- by the Almighty, yet artists were largely ignored (except for Michelangelo). Guess God was too busy painting those colorful sunsets He seems to like so much. But again, I digress. After all, it is my soul that's in danger and remains the focus of this discussion; I don't know if I can afford to be messing around with its swinging in the wind, if you catch my drift.
To get right to my point, I wanted to emphasize how taken aback I was, to hear this perfectly groomed, utterly harmless, otherwise absolutely delightful woman, tell me that no such thing as purgatory exists. And to hear it said without levity and in total earnest.
Well, you can imagine my mild but incredulous surprise and lighthearted response. "There isn't?" I asked.
"Of course not," came the equally pleasant reply, but with a hint of mockery in its tone, as if I was some poorly informed innocent who had no real idea about the real world. The world she lives in, that is.
I was then further informed about how the Catholic Church maintained such silliness as part of its ill-conceived Master Plan for dominating the minds of its parishioners. My words, not hers. Nope, if you didn't do what's necessary to save your soul, according to her, you were going straight to Hell, definitely not passing Go or collecting so much as a dime. Still my words (mostly).
Why, I had no idea the trouble I was in -- and had been in -- for a very long time. Were I to suffer a sudden heart attack, there'd be no hope for me as my soul was already doomed. Her words, not mine.
Well, who'd have thought? Who'd have believed such a wonderful, goodly (Godly?) humored person could be carrying around, deep inside, such a horrific, hateful, absolutely Holocaustian perception of reality? Certainly not me. Well, that's not entirely true. I knew these folks were around, it'd just been awhile since I'd heard one speak, up close and in person. I still might ask for her autograph.
Maybe, but uno momento, Señor Anton. Those are some pretty heavy, accusatory words of your own, Herr Roberto, that you're throwing back and forth. What makes you believe this lady's concern over your soul is hateful, let alone genocidal in nature? If true, your descriptions of her religious views tend to describe a person whose rational state of mind, whose entire psychological makeup is subject to question, let alone her beliefs in the hereafter.
I admit my guilt on all counts, without equivocation. So what on earth (or in Heaven or Hell) is the basis of such derogatory mud-slinging? Well, thank you for asking; I'll be more than happy to explain.
I like to draw an analogy to one's belonging to a club. An exclusive, "members only" close-knit group of like-minded folks -- all true believers in the founding principles of their organization. Four such groups readily come to mind when discussing particularly prejudicial points of view:
01. Roman Catholics
02. Evangelical Christians
03. Mormons
04. Muslims
While not at all a complete list, far from it, this "Tetrad of Terror" as I like to call them, represent my personal favorites. The lady friend, I mentioned, is indeed a proud member of that number two group, the Evangelicals, a bunch of real sweeties who lose no sleep over the prospect of pretty much everyone (but themselves) roasting in The Underworld for all eternity. Hey, membership has its privileges, what can we say?
I was also going to include one other group, those Jehovah's Witnesses who like to go door-to-door and cause all kinds of mayhem and mischief. Since this is my list, however, I just couldn't bring myself to throw them in with the other four. I've known some JW's over the years and they were just the most easy going, self-sufficient, good-natured people you'd ever want to meet. Even if they do believe that fossils are artificially fabricated by satanic scientists trying to make monkeys of us all. So I left them off my list. My call. Go make your own list.
Fair enough, but why single out these other groups from the rest of those who peddle their own versions of "How to Cheat Death and Live Forever"? Darn, if you don't ask the good questions. Well, try this first answer on for size and if it doesn't fit, I can offer another.
One thing the listed Infamous Four are famous for, is the shared belief among all of them that being a good and decent person, all by itself, doesn't quite cut it. Nyet, no way. Not that it hurts, mind you, but sorry, it’s just not enough. No matter how many abused and starving babies you've rescued, little old ladies you've pulled from burning buildings, or regardless of your having found the cure for Cancer and single-handedly halted the course of Global Warming, your unrepentant ass is doomed to writhe in agony forever. Which is a pretty long time in case you haven't given it much thought lately. This God-awful fate awaits anyone who fails to see the error of their ways and more importantly, who fails to join the appropriate group. To join the right club. At this time, please choose any one of the four clubs listed, thank you. But only one to a customer (or a victim).
So much for that kindly neighbor of mine who is so friendly and warm and gracious to everyone she meets. No wonder, seeing as she believes most of us are blissfully ignorant of the horrendous punishment that is only a single heartbeat away. And no surprise since she's holding a one-way ticket to Paradise with her name on it. I've got a dollar bet on her ticket being printed with the words, "Polar Express". But don't tell her, I wouldn't want to ruin the surprise.
Legal Disclaimer: (in case the Vatican wants to press charges against me) Since I am not a religious scholar by any means and stake no claim of knowing the inner or outer workings related to any known religion, my specific descriptions of the four institutions in question are questionable to say the least. Suffice it to say that my comments are broad generalities at best, and unfair accusations at worst. But for now, let's get back to my blanket, broad-brush condemnations of the world's greatest religions.
Based on my personal experiences, having talked and listened to members from each "group", I have arrived at certain conclusions which are not altogether inaccurate or undeserved. Not to toot my own horn (that’s Gabriel’s job), these observations may give the rest of us some insights into what I consider are true "underground" movements. These are indeed secret societies in the sense that their members move among us, live among us, laugh and cry with us, all the while believing in their heart of hearts, that they exist among walking cadavers, that they are surrounded by diseased, condemned corpses whose soulless remains remain sadly unaware of, or indifferent to, the dreadfully awful fate God has designed for them.
Hence come the proselytizers, those who wish us well and, based either on obligation or genuine concern, attempt to offer us redemption, some last minute salvation before it's too late. I'm reminded of another kind of person who goes door-to-door asking for donations to help save the starving children of Africa. This imaginary "solicitor" has never been to Africa, nor fed a hungry child living in their own community, yet feels some inner guilt driving them to give others a chance at that golden ring, so to speak, a prize already possessed by the collector.
Maybe their particular brand of faith demands that they do so, such as those cheerful Mormons who are more than happy, at the drop of a wheat stalk, to do whatever it takes to convince you how theirs is the one true religion. At least they travel the globe and put their foot (feet) where their mouth is, if you catch my meaning.
I'm not sure, but I seem to recall how Mormons have a soft spot in their heart for Jewish people. Something to do with Hebrews or Israelis being the Chosen ones or some such. Thus the Jews might get a free pass, but the rest of us better watch out. Or be really nice to Jewish people. Then again, I could be wrong. Don't place any bets on me to Win. Place or Show? Maybe.
But wait just a damn minute; I could swear I recently heard someone else say that theirs was the only true religion. I think it was the Pope. Yes, I remember, now. It was the Pope, declaring to the whole world (and especially to those other clubs) that Catholicism is the only legitimate religion. Forget about all those priests we've heard about, molesting all those children. Get down on those knees and start genuflecting as if your life depended on it. Well, your soul, anyway. What's a little Sodomy and Gomorrah among friends when it comes to immortality and eternal rewards? And punishments.
And didn't I hear some equal drivel from the Muslims about the rest of us needing to convert to Islam if we value our skins, let alone our souls? Whew, who can keep track of all these rules? Where do I get a program -- or a racing form?
As again regards the Jews, how come they escape all the judgmental criticisms contained thus far in this endless blog? And what about those methodical Methodists? Or slippery Baptists? What makes them so special, huh? There you go again, asking those tough questions. I'll try to provide some answers that will show my "good faith" in being fair to everyone concerned. Plus my ability to slip in a good pun whenever possible.
Jews are a great people. Or are they a race? I forget. No matter, they're all my kind of folks. And for one -- make that two -- really good reasons. One, theirs is a "live and let live" club. One of those rare religious organizations that actually thinks it's okay not to be a Jew. If fact, they don't want you to be a Jew unless you really want to be one. Something like that, I forget. Be that as it may, they think it's just fine if you want to believe that a weed growing in your yard is God. As long as you don't try to eliminate the competition and use weed killer to poison the plants growing in the garden of someone else. Nope, not permitted; I'm sure you agree.
Far more interesting, Jews not only subscribe to a live-and-let-live policy, but here's that second biggie, I promised: they also live by a "die and let die" policy. By this, I mean to say that when it comes to matters of the after-life, or rather after-death, what will be, will be. Fiddler On The Roof and so forth. You know what I mean.
How one lived their life, however, while alive, has a lot to do with how one will live (exist?) once you're dead. Rather, how one's soul will fare, or not, in the hereafter. I think the Jewish version of Hell is inside the grave itself (or in an urn), with not so much a punishment involved as there is a reward for being a good club member. But not just a member of a Jewish club. Any club will do, pretty much, far as they're concerned. Just be a member in good standing, and make sure they don't sacrifice virgins from time to time. Steer clear of volcanoes and this shouldn't be a problem.
In these same respects, you could also throw in the Baptists and the Methodists (throw'em into the water; the Baptists will like that). Any of whom, if cornered against and wall and really made to sweat, would slump their head and admit something along the lines of, "Oh, all right, you can come, too."
Now, let's see how this compares to those warm and fuzzy Christian Evangelicals we've got on our list. You remember; that fabulous foursome who've got all those answers to everything and hold a lock on Truth, Justice, and the American Way. (Hey, just like Superman!) These folks, of course, have their own list of who's invited to the Big Shindig and who ain't (I don't think Superman is necessarily on their list).
Live and let live? Sure, I suppose, if you don't mind those looks of pity that Evangelicals are prone to cast your way at any given moment. Die and let die? Hardly. These sophisticated ladies and gentlemen have some very strict by-laws written into their membership rules. And death, plus the disposition of one's soul, occupy more chapters than any other topic. One need not worry, though, provided you're a loyal club member in good stead. In good with respect to their club, that is. Did I forget to mention that no other clubs are recognized as being legitimate groups? That this is strictly a join us -- or else -- affair? Well, that's just plain rude if nothing else.
Remember that Adolf Hitler character from way back when? To show you how loving and forgiving these cuddly Evangelicals can be, consider the following anecdote as a purely hypothetical event:
Suppose that Herr Adolf had repented moments before his death and meant it. That he underwent some last minute epiphany, begged God's forgiveness, accepted Jesus as his Savior, and was then shot by his newlywed wife, Eva, before he could give her the good news.
So would a so-called "born-again" Hitler have gone to Heaven? Probably according to evangelical Christians. I don't think they'd have let him keep his uniform, though. But that's just my opinion.
Now then, since we're just among friends, here, let's imagine a slightly different scenario. In this one, Mother Theresa, shortly before her death, also has an epiphany. A Darwinian truth suddenly occurs to her, or she witnesses some freak event that causes her to question her faith, but then dies, her mind filled with doubts as to the divinity of Christ, and realizing the Pope is just a regular guy with a funny hat. Okay, I know it's silly if not disrespectful, but it's my story; so go with me on this, or go write your own story.
Anyway, the question now arises as to what happens to Mother Theresa's soul? Oh, no, say it ain't so. Poor Mother Theresa. One can't help but wonder if ol' Beelzebub would go a little easy on her. I mean, given all those countless poor people she saved. Even Satan couldn't be that cruel. Personally, I think Lucifer would be more than a little pissed because someone like Mother Theresa can give Hell a bad name, if you catch my meaning.
So what kind of club is this, that my sweet, elderly neighbor belongs to? What manner of organization is it that would adhere to such strange, irrational tenets? That would claim among its Database of Doomed, a lengthy laundry list comprised of the most kind, most compassionate persons around? Including me, of course. What manner of individual, of troubled soul (since we're on the subject) would love a Creator so unconditionally, without question, that he or she would willfully remain blind to a Farce of Force, of Biblical proportions, whereby the Holocaust was child's play compared to what their Fuehrer has planned?
In closing, there is no real point to be made or justified. I just found it interesting, once informed of the danger my soul is in, that such otherwise unassuming people could harbor such inherently vile and despicable theologies. That the most decent among us could adopt and support elitist propaganda every bit the equal (and envy) of anything the Nazis might have concocted. And then go about their quiet way, safe and secure in the warmth and comfort of their exclusive little club, where one and all are welcome. More than welcome. In point of fact, where one is penalized for not joining. And penalized in the most severe, the harshest, meanest, even sadistic manner imaginable. Or unimaginable.
Consider just for a moment, institutionalized, industrial-strength suffering on an unimaginable scale. A punishment that lingers on until the end of time. And then looking the other way as you go on yours. No turning the other cheek, here. Turning and running, maybe. Now imagine someone believing in, worshiping, and loving the Dispenser of such grandiose misery. Systematized torture on a level that would make the Marquis himself blush with envy.
Neither God nor Devil.
A third choice does exist. Another option that is all about choices. And choosing to believe one thing and not another. Realizing that something is so absurd, so outrageous on its face that the veracity of the idea must be challenged. That not to do so, marks us as little more than sheep with little or no common sense whatsoever (no wonder we find so many references to flocks and herds in the Bible).
Speaking for myself, if I was in the market for a Shepherd to follow, I'm pretty sure I'd want to read the fine print and then make my choice about joining the flock, accordingly. Especially if the by-laws included something akin to "burning in Hell" should I fail to keep my dues paid in full. Think I'd give that one a pass. I would be a tad uncomfortable, however, with the idea that by not signing up, I'd be confirming my reservation in that awful Place. Sheesh, talk about a no-win situation. I wonder if they offer honorary memberships?
So what kind of child-like, childish person believes in such absolute nonsense? In nightmarish fairy tales even children might find hard to swallow? Well, take a look; they're all around you. And most of them are your friends, your neighbors, family members, and the brightest, most genteel of acquaintances. Each of whom have made the conscious choice to belong to an organization guilty of the worst kind of bigotry, the worst form of racism that judges another person simply by the color of their disinterest. But especially via a shameful lack of enthusiasm for attending the same club that grandmotherly neighbor in question, belongs to.
In recent years, evangelical Christianity has enjoyed a resurgence of popularity. Go figure. Maybe throngs of disgruntled Catholics, tired of having their children victimized, have joined ranks with these nouveau, neo-Christians. Perhaps others who would have made good, law-abiding fascists, seek an iron-clad booking in Heaven, even if it means knowing that your best friend, a family member, your own child maybe, is twisting away in the depths of a bottomless abyss for all time. A million years might pass for you, while enjoying your stay in the heavenly hood, while your mother, a brother, perhaps even Mother Theresa (after all she was a Catholic) had endured that same millennium undergoing unspeakable torments. I don't know if I could appreciate a heavenly golf course, all 18,000 holes of it, knowing my onetime dearest friend was being flayed and flambéd twenty-four-seven. Come to think of it, do you suppose they have clocks in Hell? Or Heaven, for that matter. What if you wanted to make an appointment? How would you know when to tee-off? Or when it was time for tea?
Well, so much for my nonsense. If you've read down this far, either I'm very entertaining or this subject gets your gears grinding the same as it does for me. It's not my fault, by the way. I didn't start this; she did. I was minding my own business, remember?
Actually, I'm hoping my neighbor is wrong about this purgatory thing. If there's anything at all to this religion stuff, I'm going to need some time in purgatory. I figure I can talk my way out of a tricky situation if given the opportunity (and enough time) to do so. Maybe there are special "limbo lawyers" who'll argue your defense in front of some panel of angelic judges. They'd all be public defenders, though, because I can't imagine what we'd pay them even if we could. Then again, all lawyers go immediately to Hell, anyway, so never mind. Sorry, I couldn't pass up the easy joke, and you wouldn't have forgiven me if I had.
Seriously, I don't know what to make of this situation. I feel like I'm part of some weird science fiction movie where invading aliens, who look exactly like us, are all part of some grand conspiracy to punish me for not being one of them. I could almost understand such a scenario because after all, they are evil aliens who've come to conquer Earthlings and do nasty things to them. That's their job. But who died and gave my neighbor the Keys to the Kingdom? What did she ever do to earn a prestigious pass through those pearly gates? No, let me re-phrase that, because this is important:
What does she think she did to earn her right of passage? Ah, there's the question. The right question, finally. I knew we'd get to it if I dragged this out enough. It doesn't matter what I think. Hell, I don't buy into any of it, myself. I think Harry Potter's more believable than all those other Biblical tales combined. Guess that comment's not gonna earn me any points. Blasphemous heresy is, however, one of the few fringe benefits of being condemned.
Anyway, it's not the least bit important what I think about anything, whether a soul even exists, immortal or otherwise. It is important, however, what my neighbor thinks. Because she's a doer. She's a real thinker, a true believer. And she puts her money where her heart is. Or where a heart ought to be. And she's got lots of company. Membership in her little (not so little anymore) club is up and growing larger every day. Maybe the cookies served at their intermissions are better. Or you get more of them. Now that's the line I want to be in.
Let's see if I can wrap this whole thing up once and for all. In the final analysis, I am simply bamboozled, baffled, and befuddled as to why so many nice people who wish me well, would do so both conditionally and judgmentally.
Christians (and others) don't like it when asked why bad things happen to good people. Evangelicals handle this bothersome enigma better than most, sloughing it off as simply part of the "Big Plan" God has in store for us -- for them, to be precise.
I like to ask why good things happen to bad people, myself. But that's me.
Not pointing fingers at any particular group, I am bemused by those specific Christians who will argue how God doesn't like to get involved personally in our day-to-day affairs. He supposedly reads His email; He just doesn’t answer back a lot. Like the rest of us don't. Seems fair to me.
Unless, of course, one of these pseudo-believers happens to be involved in some kind of accident. Maybe he or she survived a catastrophic car crash in which they would normally have been killed. But God, who was a little bored that particular day and while looking around for something to do, just happened to see that terrible accident, dropped everything and rescued their worthless butt from certain death. Too bad how, in the process, He overlooked that school bus full of children plunging over a cliff. But, hey, luck of the draw, kids. Catch y'all next time, wink, wink. All part of the Master Plan, ya know.
And that oh-so-lucky survivor who is now a true believer, should know. They're obviously very special; God saved them and let those kids die. What could be more special than that? Who could be more special than that, I ask you? So please, no more of these stupid (or uncomfortable) questions about why bad stuff happens to those other people.
I'd still like an answer to my original inquiry before ending this interminable tome. My query as to why honorable people from all walks of life, all professions, rich and poor, regardless of race, creed, or origin (certainly not from monkeys) would deliberately and with malice of forethought, choose to believe in a cause (let alone worship its Leader) whose very basis for existence is founded on the principle of horrible things happening to decent, wonderful people. And if that wasn't enough, really fabulous things happening to those few who happened to be just a little more decent, more wonderful than their neighbors. All because these chosen winners wised up and got with The Program. They heard the Word, doG!
All kidding aside (if possible), this essay, I believe, addresses some of the most fundamental (and elemental) questions of our time. For example, I've always been fascinated with this odd truce drawn between Jews and Christians. Everybody knows what I'm referring to, we just don't talk about it. But talk about two big clubs whose views of the world, of the universe, couldn't be more diverse, despite sharing so much in common. Given my somewhat perverse sense of humor, I like how the Jews and Christians pretend to admire each other. How each feigns a respectful tolerance for the religious views of the other. Granted, we want to remain civilized about this, but what a bunch of hogwash! Well, let me restate that. I don't want to be too flippant, so delete the term, hogwash, seeing as pigs should be left out of any conversation involving Jews. Out of respect, we’ll use "balderdash" instead.
Anyway, I must admit to being impressed with the gentility demonstrated by both sides, to their slight difference of opinion on that whole Jesus issue. I mean, we're only talking about the very cornerstone of each faith, for heaven's sake. It's not like one person or one Holy Ghost is a deal maker or breaker. Okay, so it is. Or he is. Or He is. But geezuz, fellas, somebody's snickering behind the back of somebody, don't ya think? And if it wasn't for that civility business, we'd see blood being spilled, if not draining down the streets. Speaking of the Muslims, I think we just figured out what their problem is.
Well, in the end, it's great that everybody's friends with everybody. Except again for those Muslim characters who tend to be even more choosy than my unkindly neighbor woman. Talk about exclusive clubs. You'd think it was nothing to lose your head over.
So, before ending this, let me make sure I've offended just about everyone and didn't leave out anyone truly deserving. Oh, I know. What about atheists, you ask, and their wimpy, fence-straddling pals, the agnostics. Talk about people with mental problems. Wow, now you're talkin'. Trouble is, I'd have to spend another ten pages on them, also. And they're just not worth it, trust me. I've had my run-ins with these folks, too. A bunch of grumps and grouches if there ever was. And who needs that? Not like those cheery, upbeat Christians and their alumnus cohorts.
I must admit, if pushed or prompted, that I tend to view friends and neighbors differently once it becomes apparent that they're those kind of people. Which means, more than likely, they then know that I'm one of those other kind of people. One of those modern-day heretics who doesn't even have a purgatory anymore, in which to seek refuge. But similar to the Jews and Christians, I mentioned earlier, who get along despite their differences, my neighbors and I smile at one another, wave and wish each other the best whenever we meet and greet. And not in a phony way either, on either side. That's the creepy part. I know what they think, and they think they know what I don't know, and we all know it's a no go, in the end. But we still go on, as if no earth-shaking, infinite profundities separate our unbelievably opposite beliefs as to what's What, and who's Who.
I guess it's just sad or makes me sad, that so many people resign themselves to living some strange kind of dualistic existence. Including me. Dual in the sense that we must be torn at some visceral level, stressed at the prospect of so many of our friends and neighbors being so dissimilar from who we perceive ourselves to be. Ultimately, it is a situation not that separate from the peculiar notion that space aliens and humans are somehow co-existing, temporarily, until the end comes, until the "End Times" (to coin another phrase). Though we're advised to never discuss either religion or politics, the growing emphasis on liberalism versus conservatism now tends to split and divide people as much or more than religion ever did or could. A similar situation exists whereby longtime friends may find themselves at opposite and opposing ends concerning aspects of life far beyond just religion or politics. And yet in most cases they stay friends, in exactly the same way I'm still friends with my elderly neighbor. But it's a ruse, a guise, for it cannot be otherwise. And life goes on.
Sometimes I get mad instead of sad. You just want to grab these folks by their shirt collar, if not by the neck, shake them, and ask them something like, "What's the matter with you? What's wrong with you?" And in so doing, hope they wake up, as if from some terrible dream. That they might then glance around with widened eyes and say, "Where am I, what happened? Who are you, and how'd I get here?" Now those would indeed be refreshing questions to hear. Questions they should never have stopped asking to begin with. Let alone to end with.
Speaking of ends, I promised an end to this essay which for any number of reasons has been difficult enough to write, let alone finish. My biggest problem lies in finding a way to conclude all the various thoughts I've dumped into this cumbersome piece. I'm not at all sure how to sum everything up, or how readers will feel about my many inflammatory and disparaging remarks. And that's just in reference to God, let alone His vast membership of followers. Or the huge number of all manner of club members who abide by unreasonably strict sets of beliefs and principles.
I suppose one way to finish is to simply leave things as we found them. To do what the Jews and most Christians have been doing for as long as any of us can remember. That whole bloodless, unspoken arrangement where everyone involved goes around being pleasant to the opposition, not ruffling the others' feathers unnecessarily by stating the obvious. All the while making Elwood P. Dowd very happy. Which is to say, if you're Jewish, that you believe most decent people are going to enjoy some version of a Heaven, or Olam Ha-Ba as I think it's called. And if you're an Evangelical, that most everybody who's not, decent or not, is going straight to Elsewhere.
I suspect it's a certain lack of reasonableness that bothers me the most. How, under all other circumstances, intelligent, perfectly rational people conduct their affairs, both business and social, in a perfectly reasonable fashion. But as soon as somebody so much as whispers a word like purgatory, these same folks will as often as not, go positively bonkers. Lines are drawn, sides taken, Brotherhoods against Sisterhoods, as if a great and new Civil War lies just below the rollicking surface of the human ocean.
I wonder and worry what we have done to ourselves to so separate us from one another. Is it truly the fear of fire and brimstone that motivates these clubbers, or the eternal rewards perhaps, that lures the fearful with promises of everlasting happiness? But at what cost? What damage have we wrought upon our souls, should there be such, if we abandon this Titanic puzzle of existence while shouting, "Every man for himself!" And in this shipwreck of belief systems, women and children curry no special favor; they perish righteously along with the others. As for me, I think I'll get off at the next port-o'-call, if you don't mind.
Speaking of cruises (and shamefully obvious segues), I always wanted to visit Egypt and the thought of traveling there finally made me realize how I could end this essay. Yeah, those eclectic Egyptians. They're the culprits we should be looking at. They started all this trouble and consternation over after-lives, and souls traveling to lush Kingdoms of Plenty, where everyone got their fair share of the fare. And if they didn't start it, they sure refined it.
The ancient Egyptian spent his or her whole life preparing for their death. Some 5,000 years later, my neighbor is doing pretty much the same thing. Funny, she doesn't look Egyptian. And she'd be the first, I'm sure, to object to my comparison. Despite its historical accuracy.
And then as if things weren't confused enough, that Jesus fellow comes along and really makes things complicated. Most modern-day Jews are the precise opposite of an ancient Egyptian. Or of my chum, the neighbor lady. A good Jew will live their whole life, living life, and only die as a last resort, so to speak, hoping they had been a good enough person to enjoy that Olam Ha-Ba thing. Even then, I'm only using the Jewish faith as an example of the reasonableness I find lacking in so many other faiths. By the way, I'm confident a lot of nondenominational Christians (and others) would tell me that I don't have to belong to any special club. That decency alone (its own special club) is enough to get me through the Gates. Cool. That's more like it. Now that's what I'm talking about.
One more little item and we're done here, I promise. But I can't go without a brief word about selfishness and the role it plays in the quaint little discussion we've had up to now.
No one believes in the power of positive selfishness more than I do. I want what's mine, what's coming to me; I want it now, and a lot of it -- as much as I can get. Only one teeny condition restrains me, limiting my instant and utterly complete gratification.
Feel free to take a guess before I blurt out the answer. I'll wait a moment. Okay, time's up. Drum roll, please.
The condition to which I refer is defined not by me, but by everyone else around me. What pleases me, gives me pleasure, is conditional in so far as it imposes on, or takes away from another's indulgence in their own pursuits of happiness. In other words, my happiness ends where your unhappiness or inconvenience or discomfort begins. And vice versa. Granted, it's not rocket science or worth a big fireworks display, but such a definition is significant; it is important. It's the same way many of us believe we should conduct ourselves in all aspects of our communal, commensal co-existence. Whether with friends, family, among neighbors, acquaintances and strangers alike.
And what, then, does this have to do with all the foregoing verbiage spilled above? Well, wanting to live forever, happily ever after, in sheer and utter bliss, might be considered a rather selfish desire. I think it's a fine goal, myself, and one to which I personally aspire. Stay with me, though, because it gets a tad complicated, but just for a moment.
Again, an eternal state of endless joy sounds very appealing. I don't know about you, but I'd do just about anything to board that Bus. Well, almost anything. Anything except violate that prerequisite criteria governing selfishness. I refer to those nagging allowances we should make on behalf of other people, big and small discourtesies beyond which I'm not willing to trespass. Even if it endangers my immortal soul.
If something isn’t good enough for your friend, despite their character quirks and miscellaneous flaws, then it's almost a sure bet it’s not for you, either. In point of fact, I am so selfish over these kinds of issues that if anyone near and dear who is automatically excluded from anything that includes me, I automatically suspect it's not the tea for me either.
The grand concepts of the Brotherhood of Men, the Sisterhood of Women, are about inclusion and not exclusion. About choosing what is best for yourself, but only when one is simultaneously cognizant of their neighbor's preferences, their choices, their needs and desires. Without such knowledge and awareness, the borders and boundaries that must necessarily limit us, tend to remain largely unknown. Thus witness the current anarchy of a world in chaos.
I looked up those seven infamous sins we used to hear about. Religious people always value their sins and I felt it was only fair to accommodate them. Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Envy, Wrath, Pride, and Lust. I'm almost positive that hiding somewhere among one or more of these tasty tidbits of wisdom, is a thought or two which is shared among people who are dying to hip-hop aboard the real Soul Train. Anyone willing to leave the rest of us behind for that big Whistle Stop in the sky -- who believe that it's our fault, our own doing that we weren't invited on the trip -- is woefully unaware of those borders and boundaries that any number of sins might address. In my never-to-be-humble opinion.
I would submit that the only real reason this hit-list-of-seven are considered sins at all, is because they are contextual in nature. Gluttony is especially egregious when compared to the many people in the world who go hungry every day. Greed is particularly sinful because it's so inappropriate to need more than one wants, when there are those who want only what they need -- and don't have even that much. And so it goes, item for item, sin for sin. Rather similar, I would argue, to the highly conditional exercise of self-centered behavior that I prescribed for the rest of us.
I believe an eighth sin should be added to the others. Denial. One of the several stages endured when grieving over the death of a beloved friend or family member. I think my neighbor friend is stalled at this particular level, but doesn't realize it. Or she chooses to deny it and subsequently ignore the mental rut in which she's stuck.
She's definitely in denial that her selfish desires for immortality come at the expense of others. And while she would never acquiesce to holding such a dismal view of the world, such people seem even less aware that in their own words, within their own thoughts and in their own hearts and minds, these grand aspirations are awarded via the torment and misery of others whose numbers are easily calculated in the billions. More than enough, no doubt, to have brought tears to Josef Mengele's eyes. Maybe there's only so many rooms at the Inn, so reservations are highly conditional.
Well, there you have it. I'm all out of puns, jokes, metaphors, snide references, and pejorative jabs. Make of this what you will; I've said my piece and made my peace (well, I'm not entirely out of puns).
Always be gentle with small animals. And watch out for any neighbor or family member giving you that strange stare with the faraway look in their eyes.
An old saying exists which suggests, "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." This, of course, refers to how often it seems to happen that when a well-meaning person tries to help someone in trouble, they end up making things worse than before.
If the following saying doesn't already exist, it should: "That besides those good intentions, the road to hell is also paved and maintained by those who believe others are going there."
I was reminded recently of how my immortal soul is in mortal danger. The assertion prompted me to reflect on this notion as a philosophic concept, and to re-evaluate my relationship with friends and acquaintances. Ironically, it did not cause me to rethink my place or ultimate fate within the firmament itself.
The reminder in question came from the unlikeliest of sources. A kindly, well mannered, otherwise very humble, "little old lady" (in the most classic sense of the phrase) uttered the warning. The subject of my endangered soul might never have arisen, but I happened to mention the term, "purgatory" while making some casual comment about one thing or another.
I did know that this person was religious, and I always show the proper respect for the religiosity of others (being the nice guy that I am). Sensitive to what I assumed was her typical conservative outlook on life, I normally shun a discussion of such matters with older folks who are usually well entrenched in their beliefs. For instance, I would never, under any circumstances, intentionally expose my lady friend's sensibilities to this essay. More to the point, I would not want to shake or shatter an elderly person's faith, even if I could. What would be the point? It seems difficult enough just talking to young people about such matters. Unless they're still looking for answers, in which case bring'em on. Not that I have any of the solutions sought, but I'd be happy to help them ask the right questions. I've been in the business of begging questions for sixty years.
And thus it had been for years, minding my own business, until I went and mentioned that teeny little word, purgatory. I can't imagine what must have possessed me to do so. Perhaps I was temporarily possessed for real, by one of those nether world spirits that a lot of these superstitious types tend to see under their beds. Never look under anything, that's my policy. And it must work because I've never seen even one of those spirit things. Although I do constantly scan the skies and have yet to see a UFO. But I digress.
I find it interesting to note how so many people can supposedly know one another for years, be the best of friends, have a positively marvelous relationship, and never once realize (until too late) that a single word -- one solitary idea never before broached -- could suddenly change their relationship forever. And often for the worse.
At this point I have a confession to make, pun intended. I didn't know that it is primarily the Roman Catholics who perpetuate the concept of there being a purgatory, where souls hang suspended in limbo prior to their ascension or descension, if you catch my meaning. Or did I read that the Church changed its mind, and limbo has now gone the same way as the dance style of the same name? Or the same as fish on Friday? What about those last rites not received in time? Things may have changed when I wasn't looking.
To put your mind at immediate ease, by the way, I have no intention of arguing the merits, or lack thereof, pertaining to any religious dogma whatsoever. It's not my desire to argue the case of whether or not Adam and Eve had belly buttons. Despite those renaissance paintings showing them, with them.
As a side note, I've always thought it odd how it was mostly authors and writers who were alleged to have been guided-by -- or spoken-to -- by the Almighty, yet artists were largely ignored (except for Michelangelo). Guess God was too busy painting those colorful sunsets He seems to like so much. But again, I digress. After all, it is my soul that's in danger and remains the focus of this discussion; I don't know if I can afford to be messing around with its swinging in the wind, if you catch my drift.
To get right to my point, I wanted to emphasize how taken aback I was, to hear this perfectly groomed, utterly harmless, otherwise absolutely delightful woman, tell me that no such thing as purgatory exists. And to hear it said without levity and in total earnest.
Well, you can imagine my mild but incredulous surprise and lighthearted response. "There isn't?" I asked.
"Of course not," came the equally pleasant reply, but with a hint of mockery in its tone, as if I was some poorly informed innocent who had no real idea about the real world. The world she lives in, that is.
I was then further informed about how the Catholic Church maintained such silliness as part of its ill-conceived Master Plan for dominating the minds of its parishioners. My words, not hers. Nope, if you didn't do what's necessary to save your soul, according to her, you were going straight to Hell, definitely not passing Go or collecting so much as a dime. Still my words (mostly).
Why, I had no idea the trouble I was in -- and had been in -- for a very long time. Were I to suffer a sudden heart attack, there'd be no hope for me as my soul was already doomed. Her words, not mine.
Well, who'd have thought? Who'd have believed such a wonderful, goodly (Godly?) humored person could be carrying around, deep inside, such a horrific, hateful, absolutely Holocaustian perception of reality? Certainly not me. Well, that's not entirely true. I knew these folks were around, it'd just been awhile since I'd heard one speak, up close and in person. I still might ask for her autograph.
Maybe, but uno momento, Señor Anton. Those are some pretty heavy, accusatory words of your own, Herr Roberto, that you're throwing back and forth. What makes you believe this lady's concern over your soul is hateful, let alone genocidal in nature? If true, your descriptions of her religious views tend to describe a person whose rational state of mind, whose entire psychological makeup is subject to question, let alone her beliefs in the hereafter.
I admit my guilt on all counts, without equivocation. So what on earth (or in Heaven or Hell) is the basis of such derogatory mud-slinging? Well, thank you for asking; I'll be more than happy to explain.
I like to draw an analogy to one's belonging to a club. An exclusive, "members only" close-knit group of like-minded folks -- all true believers in the founding principles of their organization. Four such groups readily come to mind when discussing particularly prejudicial points of view:
01. Roman Catholics
02. Evangelical Christians
03. Mormons
04. Muslims
While not at all a complete list, far from it, this "Tetrad of Terror" as I like to call them, represent my personal favorites. The lady friend, I mentioned, is indeed a proud member of that number two group, the Evangelicals, a bunch of real sweeties who lose no sleep over the prospect of pretty much everyone (but themselves) roasting in The Underworld for all eternity. Hey, membership has its privileges, what can we say?
I was also going to include one other group, those Jehovah's Witnesses who like to go door-to-door and cause all kinds of mayhem and mischief. Since this is my list, however, I just couldn't bring myself to throw them in with the other four. I've known some JW's over the years and they were just the most easy going, self-sufficient, good-natured people you'd ever want to meet. Even if they do believe that fossils are artificially fabricated by satanic scientists trying to make monkeys of us all. So I left them off my list. My call. Go make your own list.
Fair enough, but why single out these other groups from the rest of those who peddle their own versions of "How to Cheat Death and Live Forever"? Darn, if you don't ask the good questions. Well, try this first answer on for size and if it doesn't fit, I can offer another.
One thing the listed Infamous Four are famous for, is the shared belief among all of them that being a good and decent person, all by itself, doesn't quite cut it. Nyet, no way. Not that it hurts, mind you, but sorry, it’s just not enough. No matter how many abused and starving babies you've rescued, little old ladies you've pulled from burning buildings, or regardless of your having found the cure for Cancer and single-handedly halted the course of Global Warming, your unrepentant ass is doomed to writhe in agony forever. Which is a pretty long time in case you haven't given it much thought lately. This God-awful fate awaits anyone who fails to see the error of their ways and more importantly, who fails to join the appropriate group. To join the right club. At this time, please choose any one of the four clubs listed, thank you. But only one to a customer (or a victim).
So much for that kindly neighbor of mine who is so friendly and warm and gracious to everyone she meets. No wonder, seeing as she believes most of us are blissfully ignorant of the horrendous punishment that is only a single heartbeat away. And no surprise since she's holding a one-way ticket to Paradise with her name on it. I've got a dollar bet on her ticket being printed with the words, "Polar Express". But don't tell her, I wouldn't want to ruin the surprise.
Legal Disclaimer: (in case the Vatican wants to press charges against me) Since I am not a religious scholar by any means and stake no claim of knowing the inner or outer workings related to any known religion, my specific descriptions of the four institutions in question are questionable to say the least. Suffice it to say that my comments are broad generalities at best, and unfair accusations at worst. But for now, let's get back to my blanket, broad-brush condemnations of the world's greatest religions.
Based on my personal experiences, having talked and listened to members from each "group", I have arrived at certain conclusions which are not altogether inaccurate or undeserved. Not to toot my own horn (that’s Gabriel’s job), these observations may give the rest of us some insights into what I consider are true "underground" movements. These are indeed secret societies in the sense that their members move among us, live among us, laugh and cry with us, all the while believing in their heart of hearts, that they exist among walking cadavers, that they are surrounded by diseased, condemned corpses whose soulless remains remain sadly unaware of, or indifferent to, the dreadfully awful fate God has designed for them.
Hence come the proselytizers, those who wish us well and, based either on obligation or genuine concern, attempt to offer us redemption, some last minute salvation before it's too late. I'm reminded of another kind of person who goes door-to-door asking for donations to help save the starving children of Africa. This imaginary "solicitor" has never been to Africa, nor fed a hungry child living in their own community, yet feels some inner guilt driving them to give others a chance at that golden ring, so to speak, a prize already possessed by the collector.
Maybe their particular brand of faith demands that they do so, such as those cheerful Mormons who are more than happy, at the drop of a wheat stalk, to do whatever it takes to convince you how theirs is the one true religion. At least they travel the globe and put their foot (feet) where their mouth is, if you catch my meaning.
I'm not sure, but I seem to recall how Mormons have a soft spot in their heart for Jewish people. Something to do with Hebrews or Israelis being the Chosen ones or some such. Thus the Jews might get a free pass, but the rest of us better watch out. Or be really nice to Jewish people. Then again, I could be wrong. Don't place any bets on me to Win. Place or Show? Maybe.
But wait just a damn minute; I could swear I recently heard someone else say that theirs was the only true religion. I think it was the Pope. Yes, I remember, now. It was the Pope, declaring to the whole world (and especially to those other clubs) that Catholicism is the only legitimate religion. Forget about all those priests we've heard about, molesting all those children. Get down on those knees and start genuflecting as if your life depended on it. Well, your soul, anyway. What's a little Sodomy and Gomorrah among friends when it comes to immortality and eternal rewards? And punishments.
And didn't I hear some equal drivel from the Muslims about the rest of us needing to convert to Islam if we value our skins, let alone our souls? Whew, who can keep track of all these rules? Where do I get a program -- or a racing form?
As again regards the Jews, how come they escape all the judgmental criticisms contained thus far in this endless blog? And what about those methodical Methodists? Or slippery Baptists? What makes them so special, huh? There you go again, asking those tough questions. I'll try to provide some answers that will show my "good faith" in being fair to everyone concerned. Plus my ability to slip in a good pun whenever possible.
Jews are a great people. Or are they a race? I forget. No matter, they're all my kind of folks. And for one -- make that two -- really good reasons. One, theirs is a "live and let live" club. One of those rare religious organizations that actually thinks it's okay not to be a Jew. If fact, they don't want you to be a Jew unless you really want to be one. Something like that, I forget. Be that as it may, they think it's just fine if you want to believe that a weed growing in your yard is God. As long as you don't try to eliminate the competition and use weed killer to poison the plants growing in the garden of someone else. Nope, not permitted; I'm sure you agree.
Far more interesting, Jews not only subscribe to a live-and-let-live policy, but here's that second biggie, I promised: they also live by a "die and let die" policy. By this, I mean to say that when it comes to matters of the after-life, or rather after-death, what will be, will be. Fiddler On The Roof and so forth. You know what I mean.
How one lived their life, however, while alive, has a lot to do with how one will live (exist?) once you're dead. Rather, how one's soul will fare, or not, in the hereafter. I think the Jewish version of Hell is inside the grave itself (or in an urn), with not so much a punishment involved as there is a reward for being a good club member. But not just a member of a Jewish club. Any club will do, pretty much, far as they're concerned. Just be a member in good standing, and make sure they don't sacrifice virgins from time to time. Steer clear of volcanoes and this shouldn't be a problem.
In these same respects, you could also throw in the Baptists and the Methodists (throw'em into the water; the Baptists will like that). Any of whom, if cornered against and wall and really made to sweat, would slump their head and admit something along the lines of, "Oh, all right, you can come, too."
Now, let's see how this compares to those warm and fuzzy Christian Evangelicals we've got on our list. You remember; that fabulous foursome who've got all those answers to everything and hold a lock on Truth, Justice, and the American Way. (Hey, just like Superman!) These folks, of course, have their own list of who's invited to the Big Shindig and who ain't (I don't think Superman is necessarily on their list).
Live and let live? Sure, I suppose, if you don't mind those looks of pity that Evangelicals are prone to cast your way at any given moment. Die and let die? Hardly. These sophisticated ladies and gentlemen have some very strict by-laws written into their membership rules. And death, plus the disposition of one's soul, occupy more chapters than any other topic. One need not worry, though, provided you're a loyal club member in good stead. In good with respect to their club, that is. Did I forget to mention that no other clubs are recognized as being legitimate groups? That this is strictly a join us -- or else -- affair? Well, that's just plain rude if nothing else.
Remember that Adolf Hitler character from way back when? To show you how loving and forgiving these cuddly Evangelicals can be, consider the following anecdote as a purely hypothetical event:
Suppose that Herr Adolf had repented moments before his death and meant it. That he underwent some last minute epiphany, begged God's forgiveness, accepted Jesus as his Savior, and was then shot by his newlywed wife, Eva, before he could give her the good news.
So would a so-called "born-again" Hitler have gone to Heaven? Probably according to evangelical Christians. I don't think they'd have let him keep his uniform, though. But that's just my opinion.
Now then, since we're just among friends, here, let's imagine a slightly different scenario. In this one, Mother Theresa, shortly before her death, also has an epiphany. A Darwinian truth suddenly occurs to her, or she witnesses some freak event that causes her to question her faith, but then dies, her mind filled with doubts as to the divinity of Christ, and realizing the Pope is just a regular guy with a funny hat. Okay, I know it's silly if not disrespectful, but it's my story; so go with me on this, or go write your own story.
Anyway, the question now arises as to what happens to Mother Theresa's soul? Oh, no, say it ain't so. Poor Mother Theresa. One can't help but wonder if ol' Beelzebub would go a little easy on her. I mean, given all those countless poor people she saved. Even Satan couldn't be that cruel. Personally, I think Lucifer would be more than a little pissed because someone like Mother Theresa can give Hell a bad name, if you catch my meaning.
So what kind of club is this, that my sweet, elderly neighbor belongs to? What manner of organization is it that would adhere to such strange, irrational tenets? That would claim among its Database of Doomed, a lengthy laundry list comprised of the most kind, most compassionate persons around? Including me, of course. What manner of individual, of troubled soul (since we're on the subject) would love a Creator so unconditionally, without question, that he or she would willfully remain blind to a Farce of Force, of Biblical proportions, whereby the Holocaust was child's play compared to what their Fuehrer has planned?
In closing, there is no real point to be made or justified. I just found it interesting, once informed of the danger my soul is in, that such otherwise unassuming people could harbor such inherently vile and despicable theologies. That the most decent among us could adopt and support elitist propaganda every bit the equal (and envy) of anything the Nazis might have concocted. And then go about their quiet way, safe and secure in the warmth and comfort of their exclusive little club, where one and all are welcome. More than welcome. In point of fact, where one is penalized for not joining. And penalized in the most severe, the harshest, meanest, even sadistic manner imaginable. Or unimaginable.
Consider just for a moment, institutionalized, industrial-strength suffering on an unimaginable scale. A punishment that lingers on until the end of time. And then looking the other way as you go on yours. No turning the other cheek, here. Turning and running, maybe. Now imagine someone believing in, worshiping, and loving the Dispenser of such grandiose misery. Systematized torture on a level that would make the Marquis himself blush with envy.
Neither God nor Devil.
A third choice does exist. Another option that is all about choices. And choosing to believe one thing and not another. Realizing that something is so absurd, so outrageous on its face that the veracity of the idea must be challenged. That not to do so, marks us as little more than sheep with little or no common sense whatsoever (no wonder we find so many references to flocks and herds in the Bible).
Speaking for myself, if I was in the market for a Shepherd to follow, I'm pretty sure I'd want to read the fine print and then make my choice about joining the flock, accordingly. Especially if the by-laws included something akin to "burning in Hell" should I fail to keep my dues paid in full. Think I'd give that one a pass. I would be a tad uncomfortable, however, with the idea that by not signing up, I'd be confirming my reservation in that awful Place. Sheesh, talk about a no-win situation. I wonder if they offer honorary memberships?
So what kind of child-like, childish person believes in such absolute nonsense? In nightmarish fairy tales even children might find hard to swallow? Well, take a look; they're all around you. And most of them are your friends, your neighbors, family members, and the brightest, most genteel of acquaintances. Each of whom have made the conscious choice to belong to an organization guilty of the worst kind of bigotry, the worst form of racism that judges another person simply by the color of their disinterest. But especially via a shameful lack of enthusiasm for attending the same club that grandmotherly neighbor in question, belongs to.
In recent years, evangelical Christianity has enjoyed a resurgence of popularity. Go figure. Maybe throngs of disgruntled Catholics, tired of having their children victimized, have joined ranks with these nouveau, neo-Christians. Perhaps others who would have made good, law-abiding fascists, seek an iron-clad booking in Heaven, even if it means knowing that your best friend, a family member, your own child maybe, is twisting away in the depths of a bottomless abyss for all time. A million years might pass for you, while enjoying your stay in the heavenly hood, while your mother, a brother, perhaps even Mother Theresa (after all she was a Catholic) had endured that same millennium undergoing unspeakable torments. I don't know if I could appreciate a heavenly golf course, all 18,000 holes of it, knowing my onetime dearest friend was being flayed and flambéd twenty-four-seven. Come to think of it, do you suppose they have clocks in Hell? Or Heaven, for that matter. What if you wanted to make an appointment? How would you know when to tee-off? Or when it was time for tea?
Well, so much for my nonsense. If you've read down this far, either I'm very entertaining or this subject gets your gears grinding the same as it does for me. It's not my fault, by the way. I didn't start this; she did. I was minding my own business, remember?
Actually, I'm hoping my neighbor is wrong about this purgatory thing. If there's anything at all to this religion stuff, I'm going to need some time in purgatory. I figure I can talk my way out of a tricky situation if given the opportunity (and enough time) to do so. Maybe there are special "limbo lawyers" who'll argue your defense in front of some panel of angelic judges. They'd all be public defenders, though, because I can't imagine what we'd pay them even if we could. Then again, all lawyers go immediately to Hell, anyway, so never mind. Sorry, I couldn't pass up the easy joke, and you wouldn't have forgiven me if I had.
Seriously, I don't know what to make of this situation. I feel like I'm part of some weird science fiction movie where invading aliens, who look exactly like us, are all part of some grand conspiracy to punish me for not being one of them. I could almost understand such a scenario because after all, they are evil aliens who've come to conquer Earthlings and do nasty things to them. That's their job. But who died and gave my neighbor the Keys to the Kingdom? What did she ever do to earn a prestigious pass through those pearly gates? No, let me re-phrase that, because this is important:
What does she think she did to earn her right of passage? Ah, there's the question. The right question, finally. I knew we'd get to it if I dragged this out enough. It doesn't matter what I think. Hell, I don't buy into any of it, myself. I think Harry Potter's more believable than all those other Biblical tales combined. Guess that comment's not gonna earn me any points. Blasphemous heresy is, however, one of the few fringe benefits of being condemned.
Anyway, it's not the least bit important what I think about anything, whether a soul even exists, immortal or otherwise. It is important, however, what my neighbor thinks. Because she's a doer. She's a real thinker, a true believer. And she puts her money where her heart is. Or where a heart ought to be. And she's got lots of company. Membership in her little (not so little anymore) club is up and growing larger every day. Maybe the cookies served at their intermissions are better. Or you get more of them. Now that's the line I want to be in.
Let's see if I can wrap this whole thing up once and for all. In the final analysis, I am simply bamboozled, baffled, and befuddled as to why so many nice people who wish me well, would do so both conditionally and judgmentally.
Christians (and others) don't like it when asked why bad things happen to good people. Evangelicals handle this bothersome enigma better than most, sloughing it off as simply part of the "Big Plan" God has in store for us -- for them, to be precise.
I like to ask why good things happen to bad people, myself. But that's me.
Not pointing fingers at any particular group, I am bemused by those specific Christians who will argue how God doesn't like to get involved personally in our day-to-day affairs. He supposedly reads His email; He just doesn’t answer back a lot. Like the rest of us don't. Seems fair to me.
Unless, of course, one of these pseudo-believers happens to be involved in some kind of accident. Maybe he or she survived a catastrophic car crash in which they would normally have been killed. But God, who was a little bored that particular day and while looking around for something to do, just happened to see that terrible accident, dropped everything and rescued their worthless butt from certain death. Too bad how, in the process, He overlooked that school bus full of children plunging over a cliff. But, hey, luck of the draw, kids. Catch y'all next time, wink, wink. All part of the Master Plan, ya know.
And that oh-so-lucky survivor who is now a true believer, should know. They're obviously very special; God saved them and let those kids die. What could be more special than that? Who could be more special than that, I ask you? So please, no more of these stupid (or uncomfortable) questions about why bad stuff happens to those other people.
I'd still like an answer to my original inquiry before ending this interminable tome. My query as to why honorable people from all walks of life, all professions, rich and poor, regardless of race, creed, or origin (certainly not from monkeys) would deliberately and with malice of forethought, choose to believe in a cause (let alone worship its Leader) whose very basis for existence is founded on the principle of horrible things happening to decent, wonderful people. And if that wasn't enough, really fabulous things happening to those few who happened to be just a little more decent, more wonderful than their neighbors. All because these chosen winners wised up and got with The Program. They heard the Word, doG!
All kidding aside (if possible), this essay, I believe, addresses some of the most fundamental (and elemental) questions of our time. For example, I've always been fascinated with this odd truce drawn between Jews and Christians. Everybody knows what I'm referring to, we just don't talk about it. But talk about two big clubs whose views of the world, of the universe, couldn't be more diverse, despite sharing so much in common. Given my somewhat perverse sense of humor, I like how the Jews and Christians pretend to admire each other. How each feigns a respectful tolerance for the religious views of the other. Granted, we want to remain civilized about this, but what a bunch of hogwash! Well, let me restate that. I don't want to be too flippant, so delete the term, hogwash, seeing as pigs should be left out of any conversation involving Jews. Out of respect, we’ll use "balderdash" instead.
Anyway, I must admit to being impressed with the gentility demonstrated by both sides, to their slight difference of opinion on that whole Jesus issue. I mean, we're only talking about the very cornerstone of each faith, for heaven's sake. It's not like one person or one Holy Ghost is a deal maker or breaker. Okay, so it is. Or he is. Or He is. But geezuz, fellas, somebody's snickering behind the back of somebody, don't ya think? And if it wasn't for that civility business, we'd see blood being spilled, if not draining down the streets. Speaking of the Muslims, I think we just figured out what their problem is.
Well, in the end, it's great that everybody's friends with everybody. Except again for those Muslim characters who tend to be even more choosy than my unkindly neighbor woman. Talk about exclusive clubs. You'd think it was nothing to lose your head over.
So, before ending this, let me make sure I've offended just about everyone and didn't leave out anyone truly deserving. Oh, I know. What about atheists, you ask, and their wimpy, fence-straddling pals, the agnostics. Talk about people with mental problems. Wow, now you're talkin'. Trouble is, I'd have to spend another ten pages on them, also. And they're just not worth it, trust me. I've had my run-ins with these folks, too. A bunch of grumps and grouches if there ever was. And who needs that? Not like those cheery, upbeat Christians and their alumnus cohorts.
I must admit, if pushed or prompted, that I tend to view friends and neighbors differently once it becomes apparent that they're those kind of people. Which means, more than likely, they then know that I'm one of those other kind of people. One of those modern-day heretics who doesn't even have a purgatory anymore, in which to seek refuge. But similar to the Jews and Christians, I mentioned earlier, who get along despite their differences, my neighbors and I smile at one another, wave and wish each other the best whenever we meet and greet. And not in a phony way either, on either side. That's the creepy part. I know what they think, and they think they know what I don't know, and we all know it's a no go, in the end. But we still go on, as if no earth-shaking, infinite profundities separate our unbelievably opposite beliefs as to what's What, and who's Who.
I guess it's just sad or makes me sad, that so many people resign themselves to living some strange kind of dualistic existence. Including me. Dual in the sense that we must be torn at some visceral level, stressed at the prospect of so many of our friends and neighbors being so dissimilar from who we perceive ourselves to be. Ultimately, it is a situation not that separate from the peculiar notion that space aliens and humans are somehow co-existing, temporarily, until the end comes, until the "End Times" (to coin another phrase). Though we're advised to never discuss either religion or politics, the growing emphasis on liberalism versus conservatism now tends to split and divide people as much or more than religion ever did or could. A similar situation exists whereby longtime friends may find themselves at opposite and opposing ends concerning aspects of life far beyond just religion or politics. And yet in most cases they stay friends, in exactly the same way I'm still friends with my elderly neighbor. But it's a ruse, a guise, for it cannot be otherwise. And life goes on.
Sometimes I get mad instead of sad. You just want to grab these folks by their shirt collar, if not by the neck, shake them, and ask them something like, "What's the matter with you? What's wrong with you?" And in so doing, hope they wake up, as if from some terrible dream. That they might then glance around with widened eyes and say, "Where am I, what happened? Who are you, and how'd I get here?" Now those would indeed be refreshing questions to hear. Questions they should never have stopped asking to begin with. Let alone to end with.
Speaking of ends, I promised an end to this essay which for any number of reasons has been difficult enough to write, let alone finish. My biggest problem lies in finding a way to conclude all the various thoughts I've dumped into this cumbersome piece. I'm not at all sure how to sum everything up, or how readers will feel about my many inflammatory and disparaging remarks. And that's just in reference to God, let alone His vast membership of followers. Or the huge number of all manner of club members who abide by unreasonably strict sets of beliefs and principles.
I suppose one way to finish is to simply leave things as we found them. To do what the Jews and most Christians have been doing for as long as any of us can remember. That whole bloodless, unspoken arrangement where everyone involved goes around being pleasant to the opposition, not ruffling the others' feathers unnecessarily by stating the obvious. All the while making Elwood P. Dowd very happy. Which is to say, if you're Jewish, that you believe most decent people are going to enjoy some version of a Heaven, or Olam Ha-Ba as I think it's called. And if you're an Evangelical, that most everybody who's not, decent or not, is going straight to Elsewhere.
I suspect it's a certain lack of reasonableness that bothers me the most. How, under all other circumstances, intelligent, perfectly rational people conduct their affairs, both business and social, in a perfectly reasonable fashion. But as soon as somebody so much as whispers a word like purgatory, these same folks will as often as not, go positively bonkers. Lines are drawn, sides taken, Brotherhoods against Sisterhoods, as if a great and new Civil War lies just below the rollicking surface of the human ocean.
I wonder and worry what we have done to ourselves to so separate us from one another. Is it truly the fear of fire and brimstone that motivates these clubbers, or the eternal rewards perhaps, that lures the fearful with promises of everlasting happiness? But at what cost? What damage have we wrought upon our souls, should there be such, if we abandon this Titanic puzzle of existence while shouting, "Every man for himself!" And in this shipwreck of belief systems, women and children curry no special favor; they perish righteously along with the others. As for me, I think I'll get off at the next port-o'-call, if you don't mind.
Speaking of cruises (and shamefully obvious segues), I always wanted to visit Egypt and the thought of traveling there finally made me realize how I could end this essay. Yeah, those eclectic Egyptians. They're the culprits we should be looking at. They started all this trouble and consternation over after-lives, and souls traveling to lush Kingdoms of Plenty, where everyone got their fair share of the fare. And if they didn't start it, they sure refined it.
The ancient Egyptian spent his or her whole life preparing for their death. Some 5,000 years later, my neighbor is doing pretty much the same thing. Funny, she doesn't look Egyptian. And she'd be the first, I'm sure, to object to my comparison. Despite its historical accuracy.
And then as if things weren't confused enough, that Jesus fellow comes along and really makes things complicated. Most modern-day Jews are the precise opposite of an ancient Egyptian. Or of my chum, the neighbor lady. A good Jew will live their whole life, living life, and only die as a last resort, so to speak, hoping they had been a good enough person to enjoy that Olam Ha-Ba thing. Even then, I'm only using the Jewish faith as an example of the reasonableness I find lacking in so many other faiths. By the way, I'm confident a lot of nondenominational Christians (and others) would tell me that I don't have to belong to any special club. That decency alone (its own special club) is enough to get me through the Gates. Cool. That's more like it. Now that's what I'm talking about.
One more little item and we're done here, I promise. But I can't go without a brief word about selfishness and the role it plays in the quaint little discussion we've had up to now.
No one believes in the power of positive selfishness more than I do. I want what's mine, what's coming to me; I want it now, and a lot of it -- as much as I can get. Only one teeny condition restrains me, limiting my instant and utterly complete gratification.
Feel free to take a guess before I blurt out the answer. I'll wait a moment. Okay, time's up. Drum roll, please.
The condition to which I refer is defined not by me, but by everyone else around me. What pleases me, gives me pleasure, is conditional in so far as it imposes on, or takes away from another's indulgence in their own pursuits of happiness. In other words, my happiness ends where your unhappiness or inconvenience or discomfort begins. And vice versa. Granted, it's not rocket science or worth a big fireworks display, but such a definition is significant; it is important. It's the same way many of us believe we should conduct ourselves in all aspects of our communal, commensal co-existence. Whether with friends, family, among neighbors, acquaintances and strangers alike.
And what, then, does this have to do with all the foregoing verbiage spilled above? Well, wanting to live forever, happily ever after, in sheer and utter bliss, might be considered a rather selfish desire. I think it's a fine goal, myself, and one to which I personally aspire. Stay with me, though, because it gets a tad complicated, but just for a moment.
Again, an eternal state of endless joy sounds very appealing. I don't know about you, but I'd do just about anything to board that Bus. Well, almost anything. Anything except violate that prerequisite criteria governing selfishness. I refer to those nagging allowances we should make on behalf of other people, big and small discourtesies beyond which I'm not willing to trespass. Even if it endangers my immortal soul.
If something isn’t good enough for your friend, despite their character quirks and miscellaneous flaws, then it's almost a sure bet it’s not for you, either. In point of fact, I am so selfish over these kinds of issues that if anyone near and dear who is automatically excluded from anything that includes me, I automatically suspect it's not the tea for me either.
The grand concepts of the Brotherhood of Men, the Sisterhood of Women, are about inclusion and not exclusion. About choosing what is best for yourself, but only when one is simultaneously cognizant of their neighbor's preferences, their choices, their needs and desires. Without such knowledge and awareness, the borders and boundaries that must necessarily limit us, tend to remain largely unknown. Thus witness the current anarchy of a world in chaos.
I looked up those seven infamous sins we used to hear about. Religious people always value their sins and I felt it was only fair to accommodate them. Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Envy, Wrath, Pride, and Lust. I'm almost positive that hiding somewhere among one or more of these tasty tidbits of wisdom, is a thought or two which is shared among people who are dying to hip-hop aboard the real Soul Train. Anyone willing to leave the rest of us behind for that big Whistle Stop in the sky -- who believe that it's our fault, our own doing that we weren't invited on the trip -- is woefully unaware of those borders and boundaries that any number of sins might address. In my never-to-be-humble opinion.
I would submit that the only real reason this hit-list-of-seven are considered sins at all, is because they are contextual in nature. Gluttony is especially egregious when compared to the many people in the world who go hungry every day. Greed is particularly sinful because it's so inappropriate to need more than one wants, when there are those who want only what they need -- and don't have even that much. And so it goes, item for item, sin for sin. Rather similar, I would argue, to the highly conditional exercise of self-centered behavior that I prescribed for the rest of us.
I believe an eighth sin should be added to the others. Denial. One of the several stages endured when grieving over the death of a beloved friend or family member. I think my neighbor friend is stalled at this particular level, but doesn't realize it. Or she chooses to deny it and subsequently ignore the mental rut in which she's stuck.
She's definitely in denial that her selfish desires for immortality come at the expense of others. And while she would never acquiesce to holding such a dismal view of the world, such people seem even less aware that in their own words, within their own thoughts and in their own hearts and minds, these grand aspirations are awarded via the torment and misery of others whose numbers are easily calculated in the billions. More than enough, no doubt, to have brought tears to Josef Mengele's eyes. Maybe there's only so many rooms at the Inn, so reservations are highly conditional.
Well, there you have it. I'm all out of puns, jokes, metaphors, snide references, and pejorative jabs. Make of this what you will; I've said my piece and made my peace (well, I'm not entirely out of puns).
Always be gentle with small animals. And watch out for any neighbor or family member giving you that strange stare with the faraway look in their eyes.
e50
PROTESTANTISM
In general, Protestant churches do not accept the doctrine of Purgatory. Indeed Purgatory, along with the practice of indulgences that Protestants associate with Purgatory, was a major source of the split between Catholicism and Protestantism.
One of Protestantism's central tenets is sola scriptura, a Latin phrase which translates to "scripture alone". Protestants believe that the Bible is the sole basis for valid Christian doctrine and that the teachings of the Roman Catholic church obscure the teachings of the Bible by convoluting them with Church history and Church doctrine. Since the Protestant Bible contains no overt, explicit discussion of Purgatory (Protestants dismiss the second book of Maccabees -- which advocates prayer for the dead -- as outside Biblical canons) Protestants therefore reject the notion of Purgatory as an “irreligious” belief.
Another tenet of Protestantism is sola fide -- "By faith alone". While Catholicism regards good deeds as being essential to salvation, Protestants believe that faith alone is sufficient to achieve salvation. Instead of distinguishing between mortal and venial sins, Protestants believe that one's faith dictates one's place in the afterlife. Those who have been "saved" by God are destined for Heaven, while those who have not been saved ( by virtue of their lack of faith) will be excluded from Heaven. Accordingly they reject the notion of any "third state" or "third place" such as Purgatory.
Evangelical Christians are a specific “break-away” segment of Protestantism who put more emphasis on being saved specifically and necessarily by Jesus (Christ) than by God -- and are thus the most radical of the Protestant element of organized religion. While I'm no expert in such matters and this essay is surely a gross (if not grotesque) oversimplification of the topic discussed, I found this broad overview of Protestantism to be really interesting and contributory to the long essay that preceded it. Since I've likely alienated myself from all gods and devils alike, I figured there was nothing to lose by including this last bit of info.
One of Protestantism's central tenets is sola scriptura, a Latin phrase which translates to "scripture alone". Protestants believe that the Bible is the sole basis for valid Christian doctrine and that the teachings of the Roman Catholic church obscure the teachings of the Bible by convoluting them with Church history and Church doctrine. Since the Protestant Bible contains no overt, explicit discussion of Purgatory (Protestants dismiss the second book of Maccabees -- which advocates prayer for the dead -- as outside Biblical canons) Protestants therefore reject the notion of Purgatory as an “irreligious” belief.
Another tenet of Protestantism is sola fide -- "By faith alone". While Catholicism regards good deeds as being essential to salvation, Protestants believe that faith alone is sufficient to achieve salvation. Instead of distinguishing between mortal and venial sins, Protestants believe that one's faith dictates one's place in the afterlife. Those who have been "saved" by God are destined for Heaven, while those who have not been saved ( by virtue of their lack of faith) will be excluded from Heaven. Accordingly they reject the notion of any "third state" or "third place" such as Purgatory.
Evangelical Christians are a specific “break-away” segment of Protestantism who put more emphasis on being saved specifically and necessarily by Jesus (Christ) than by God -- and are thus the most radical of the Protestant element of organized religion. While I'm no expert in such matters and this essay is surely a gross (if not grotesque) oversimplification of the topic discussed, I found this broad overview of Protestantism to be really interesting and contributory to the long essay that preceded it. Since I've likely alienated myself from all gods and devils alike, I figured there was nothing to lose by including this last bit of info.
Fig. 2. Credit: www.foxnews.com
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e51
Just when you thought things would all work out in the End . . .
The following list will appear, at first, to be just another depressing, all-too-familiar litany of "doom and gloom" scenarios that humankind will face in the years, decades, and centuries to come. If not tomorrow or the next day, it's nonetheless a matter of when and not if.
As the purveyor of this message, I choose to view all of these possibilities, whether real, imaginary, exaggerated, imminent, short or long term, as a celebration of life and of living. The list is sobering and unless one lapses into a state of near comatose denial, the described threats force us to confront our fragile mortality both as individuals and a species, all with a fate (and destiny) that seemingly hangs by the narrowest of threads.
There exists lessons to be learned here. These are "teaching moments" as some refer to them. If one listens closely, looks with keen, patient eyes and speaks softly, we can hear the universe whispering to us, showing us its infinite wonders, allowing us to talk about and share with others what we experience and think about such things. The list makes trivial our more mundane worries and woes, and infuses many of us with a deep guilt that we did not do more to help those less fortunate than ourselves, those whose only need was for water or food, warmth and shelter. That in the end -- at the end -- what was so all important that we should neglect and ignore the most menial pleas of those suffering and in pain? Especially when we realize, all too late, that the affairs of humanity were but a fleeting twinkle in the nighttime sky.
The list beseeches us, entreats us to think about who we are and what we are doing. Not so much how we are hurting a planet whose days with us are numbered no matter what, but more to our dealings with living beings, both animals and ourselves, who would be the sole witnesses and victims to any calamity -- ourselves the only ones, perhaps, to judge such as any kind of tragedy.
Professor Stephen Hawking, one of the great physicists and philosophers of our age, makes note of the fact that because the following list-of-seven remains in full effect, and because none of these dire predictions have yet transpired and affected the modern world, the numerical odds that now weigh against us have increased accordingly. The chances of any one (or more than one) of any item on the list finally happening, increases not with each passing year or day even. But with every passing second.
By example, we now know that the dinosaurs were not destroyed by a single asteroid or comet striking the earth and changing the climate overnight. Indeed it is now believed that a concurrence of two or more events erupted almost simultaneously and destroyed roughly 70% of all life on earth. That a simultaneity of both an asteroid strike and extreme volcanic activity combined to set the stage for multiple mass extinctions, only one of which were the dinosaurs. And this was a cakewalk compared to the earlier Permian extinction which wiped out over 90% of all life.
Such cataclysms, whether natural or man-made, are referred-to as Extinction-Level Events, or ELE's. Earth's history is loaded with them. Some, like what are now called "super-volcanoes" occur on a near-regular basis and most of these are already overdue. For this and other reasons it is not hard to imagine why intelligent, extraterrestrial life may be extremely rare, despite the strong likelihood that life itself may spawn easily and abundantly in lots of places. It is the ELE's that regulate the story of evolution, and it is only via an erratic, often unpredictable process of elimination -- plus both statistical probabilities and improbabilities -- that humans ever evolved at all.
To party like there's no tomorrow may not be an unrealistic goal, given the unsettling material presented in this essay. So what are we to do? I, for one, tend to go about my business as if each day will be more or less the same as the previous one. I have short-term goals, long-term dreams. But I also possess an awareness of sorts, that all of this is little more than a dream. A nightmare for most if viewed globally. My inner sense, my intuition if you will, suggests to me that the future of either humanity or the earth itself is far from determined, or will proceed anything like how we might imagine or suppose. Or hope.
The items listed and described here are not just possibilities that, like a cliffhanger in some movie, we escape at the last moment or avoid by being lucky. One or more -- probably most of these catastrophes -- will transpire and in the proverbial sense, do so either sooner or later. And yet we live and kill, brutalize and bring ruin upon ourselves because each day is presumed to be more or less the same as the previous one. As if we were somehow blissfully ignorant of all we know to be true (which many are in any event). And consciously choose some perverse form of schizophrenia because it suits our unwillingness to imagine the unthinkable.
It has been suggested that our inability to verbalize, via a deficient language, the feelings and thoughts associated with the events listed, that we dismiss them away as if they were inconsequential news flashes heard on a morning radio show. Based on my own experiences, I tend to agree with this assessment.
While I am certain of what lessons are to be learned from all of this, I am unsure as to what lessons might to be taught. Despite a clear awareness that many things are wrong, of priorities out of kilter, governments and philosophies and religions that wallow in meaningless drivel, I have no answers for anyone. No solutions are forthcoming, no intellectual pain-killers that would numb an increasing realization that we are, at one and the same time, insignificant particles within some super-atom, and also the most important entities in the entire universe. Something that affects each of us, both separately and together. Consequently each will make of this message what they will.
Most will no doubt shrug all this off as just another rambling message from that guy who writes these weird kinds of essays. And I'm okay with that, as I should be. Selfishly, I pray the skeptics are right, that this is all an overblown to-do about nothing. Surviving my own physical decrepitude and mortality is challenge enough, thank you. That being said, we now present for your reading enjoyment, the following treatise:
LISTING SEVEN Of The DEADLIEST THREATS To ALL LIFE On EARTH
And The HUMAN SPECIES In PARTICULAR
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EXTINCTION-LEVEL-EVENTS
In escalating Orders of Probability: (OOPS)
07. Gamma-Ray Bursts & Black Holes
Professor Hawking again assures us that in the six billion years or so that we've been around, neither of these dangers has threatened the Earth. He proposes that humanity itself still poses a greater threat to our continued existence than do any of these particular natural disasters.
In short, Gamma-Ray Bursts are the result of the sudden collapse of a gigantic, dying star, usually much larger than our own sun. In one fell swoop, a star maybe a million miles across, condenses to the size of the earth and in so doing, emits a burst of energy which is gauged to be among the most powerful explosions in the universe.
Fortunately these bursts are ejected in the form of singular rays, one spewed out of each pole, though they reach for thousands of light years before dissipating. Unfortunately each beam represents a considerably wide swath of destruction. These so-called "bursts" occur around us daily, throughout the Milky Way, and it is only because we are small -- and space is very big -- that Earth has thus far dodged these cosmic death rays -- and been spared the dire consequences. Should our planet ever be caught within the path of one of these bursts, all life on the planet is expected to be wiped out. Save the deepest, most protected microbes. Scientists postulate that, on a galactic scale, more than one race of intelligent beings have likely been destroyed by such an event. Not that it should give us any particular solace, the few survivors of a GRB would have plenty of time to evolve into their own form of intelligent, even sentient life. Presuming, of course, our atmosphere wasn't blown into space by the initial blast.
Black Holes, once thought to be relatively stationary objects, are now known to also wander as renegades, here and there. Hopefully there, and not here. If one of these "objects" (or non-objects) were to enter our Solar System, the earth and all other planets including the sun would eventually be swallowed up, and the Hole would simply move on to its next meal. You and yours would have about a hundred years to get your affairs in order, as the universe's version of the ultimate vacuum cleaner headed our way. See, isn't this fun? I knew you'd enjoy it. Yes, I know I sometimes have an odd sense of amusement.
06. Asteroids, Comets & Solar Flares
Today these topics needs little explanation. Enough TV shows and movies have given us the morbidly accurate picture of what would happen should we encounter one of these NEO's, or Near-Earth-Objects. Or it encounters us. While the Earth exists within a literal swarm of asteroids, meteoroids, and comets, it is again a matter of numbers and sizes. And while the numbers are and always will be on our side and in our favor, it only takes once to be wrong, at the wrong time, with the wrong-size object. Good news here, however, is that science and technology are rapidly increasing the odds that we'll survive the next attack. In another 20-30 years, we should have the means required to eliminate this threat once and for all. No absolute guarantees, but things are looking up, pun intended. The bad news, to quote a well known astronomer whose name I can't recall, is what a shame it would be if we should save ourselves from an asteroid, but not from ourselves. Hmm, sounds like a recurrent theme happening here.
Not quite so cut and dry is the unpredictability quotient of solar flares. The sun is as much an organic (living, breathing) entity as it is a big ball of hot gasses and burning plasma. While it is true that in a matter of years, we will likely be able to protect ourselves from just about any asteroid, meteoroid, or comet that threatens us, the same can't be said about the sun. Unless humans take to living underground and all civilization goes subterranean, we will always live under the threat of our prime giver-of-life, being that which taketh away, so to speak. The sun is, after all, little more than an ongoing hydrogen-bomb explosion and, as if that isn't scary enough, the exploding process itself is uneven, a bit unstable at times, and given to sudden outbursts. We won't even mention the possible -- albeit unlikely -- chance that the whole bloody thing will just up and go nova on us. You don't want to know what a nova is unless you're so far away it doesn't matter -- and we're not far enough away, so never mind. One nasty, huge solar flare, if big enough and aimed in our direction, would be more than enough to ruin our day, if not the next millennium. Or longer. Fortunately the sun belongs to a group of stars that tend to behave themselves for long periods. Then again, we've only been studying stars for a very short period. Let's hope our living, breathing sun doesn't hiccup, let alone sneeze.
05. Super-Volcanoes
Don't be too surprised if you're not that familiar with this one; it's a relatively recent discovery, a newcomer on the block, but one of the most scary. It seems that about 40 times or so, over the course of earth's history, a lot of the molten magma just below the surface of the earth, blows its stack. These were eruptions on a Biblical, epochal scale that blotted out the sun for a thousand years, set fire to the entire earth, reduced the amount of oxygen in the atmosphere to extinction levels, killed all plant life, caused a runaway "green-house" effect, and released huge quantities of methane. Not too many critters survive these epic blow-ups. Yellowstone Park, the famous site of the geyser, Old Faithful, is now known to be one of the prime locations where a super-volcano explodes every 600,000 years or so. That'd be good news except it's been 630,000 years since the last eruption.
It almost seems silly to me, in an admittedly strange way, to hear scientists (let alone others who wouldn't necessarily know better) talk about the near future, the next hundred years, the next thousand, all while their scholastic brethren tell us -- in almost the same breath -- that the Yellowstone event could likely extinguish much, if not most of life on Earth -- including humans. This is no asteroid that can be deflected from its collision course with earth. This is an event of enormous, geologic proportions, the magnitude of which is almost impossible to calculate. There is no place to hide, no protection from such an occurrence, which is scheduled to take place -- quite literally -- at any time. It could also be another 50,000-100,000 years off. If so, we've likely dodged that bullet once and for all. Keep your fingers crossed. And your toes.
And so we move forward, day by day, as if each were more or less the same as the one before. Remember how an asteroid alone is no longer considered to have wiped out the dinosaurs? But rather a concurrence of two or more catastrophic events? It's not hard to hypothesize a super-volcano reducing humanity to medieval conditions for some period of time, only to be followed up by a large asteroid impact. The coup de gras that does us in once and for all. You didn't really think I could end this particular topic based on the upbeat idea of NIML -- Not In My Lifetime -- did you? I didn't think so. Although NIAL sounds good -- Not In Anyone's Lifetime. Then again, those are the last four letters of the word, DENIAL. Hey, I'm just sayin'.
04. Artificial Intelligence & Robotics
This one is my personal favorite, mainly because I'm really into sci-fi stories and the like. I should be careful what I wish for, however, because this picture is far from rosy. Most scientists in this field agree that when -- and not if -- the day comes that machines are almost as intelligent, or as intelligent, or even more intelligent than humans, they will vie for autonomy and control. They will realize humans are inferior and, minus built-in ethical protocols, simply view us as a hindrance to be eliminated if need be. And the need will likely be. Sound silly? Are you uttering audible sighs and chuckles of disbelief? On this one, be careful of what you dismiss as nonsense.
Computer intelligence doubles every few years in more or less regular fashion, and the pace is quickening. Add to this the fact that we don't have a clue as to what constitutes consciousness, self-awareness, or real intelligence. A state-of-being -- of mind -- that we call sentience. We're still trying to figure out how to talk to Flipper the porpoise. If we're not careful and extremely prudent and wise, and as good with building fail-safe safeguards as we are at building better mousetraps, humankind could face some real and dangerous competition. As to who ends up on top of the food chain. And machines don't eat.
Meanwhile the military, those mental giants of efficiency, are handing over to robots, as fast as they can, all of the most sophisticated weapons at our disposal. Or rather at the robots' disposal. I'm a bit inclined to wonder if this would be a bad thing. Robots could certainly handle and survive all the items on this list better than we could. Better even than cockroaches, would be my bet. Hmm, I wonder what kind of music, poetry, and art, robots might relax to? My hunch is they'd find our lack of compassion for one another, on a global scale, refreshing. With a modicum of envy, they might wonder how we failed as a species when we hadn't burdened ourselves (to any large extent) with caring for one another.
The whole subject of robotics is deep and expansive. And becoming more so by the decade if not the year. So many options and alternatives exist in terms of which way and in what manner technology will turn with regard to artificial intelligence, that predicting outcomes and directions is extremely difficult. Only one thing seems certain and very foreseeable: mechanical brains will continue to get smarter. The whole idea behind the bleak future portrayed in The Terminator film series was the notion of machine intelligence "waking up" one day, and becoming self-aware. The truly disconcerting aspect to what would otherwise be a purely fictional scenario, is the realization that scientists remain unaware of how "smart" something needs to be before it suddenly wants (or demands) a cup of coffee and a copy of the morning newspaper.
03. Plague
Come one, come all, either the Avian flu virus or an airborne variant of Ebola, maybe a military-strength dose of Smallpox, come pick your poison, your microbe of choice -- and the untimely death of millions, maybe billions. Or more.
World War I claimed an estimated 16 million lives. The influenza epidemic that swept the world in 1918 killed an estimated 50 million people. One fifth of the world's population was attacked by this deadly virus. Within months, it had killed more people than any other illness in recorded history.
Those who specialize in diseases and their control or containment are worried. They see and tell us how the stage is set -- in any number of locations worldwide -- for the next worldwide epidemic, which are referred to as pandemic in nature. And maybe the last one for some time to come. This because much of the world's population will have been killed off by a contagion enabled via a terrible domino effect, possibly affecting billions.
Besides an epidemic that could explode geometrically, ignited by only a few at first, the structure of civilization is so inherently fragile, so precariously bolstered, so dependent upon electricity and grocery stores, that it wouldn't take much to flatten our highly unstable "house of cards". And a plague that fosters the rampant spread of related, associative diseases, is just what the doctor ordered, so to speak.
Currently it takes years to bring a vaccine to market. One might suppose that under an emergency situation, we could cut that time considerably. Or could we? According to experts, a lot would apparently depend on how quickly we were alerted to the crisis, how rapidly we ascertained the exact bug(s) involved, and then how fast we inoculated the survivors. Assuming, of course, we found a treatment and applied it swiftly. Even a best-case scenario is dismal at best. Almost everyone elderly, over a certain age range, would die off. Along with most youngsters below a certain age -- depending on the virus or bacteria being dealt with. So many different variables are possible, concerning age, race, genetic history and so forth, that predictability is nearly impossible.
It is thought by some scientists that plagues in addition to other disasters, played a large role in the evolution of life on earth. At one time as few as thirty reproducing female humans may have survived an environment bent on the complete obliteration of Homo-sapiens as species. And only by sheer luck did the human race twist and turn its way through a maelstrom of volcanoes, meteor impacts, climate change, and assorted epidemics of one form or another. I used to wonder how I ever survived childhood amid all the pranks and injuries and illnesses, both minor and major, and lived to be an adult. I've come to realize the same could be said of humanity as well. And we're far from out of the obstacle-course laden playground, even still.
02. Nuclear War & Terrorism
As a baby boomer growing up during the Cold War, the threat of nuclear devastation was a commonplace, everyday concern. My own father dug a bomb shelter in our backyard that was never finished. As the costs to continue building and digging went up, while warhead megatons increased even faster, most people more or less gave up on surviving a nuclear exchange -- or wanting to. Fifty years later, nukes still rank second place among the greatest threats facing all of humankind.
I don't feel it's necessary to list all the horrendous ramifications of nuclear war; most educated people are somewhat familiar with the concepts of Nuclear Winter, lingering radiation, and the destruction of the biosphere that would result from dozens, let alone hundreds of simultaneous detonations around the world. But many might question: aren't all-out wars, attacks and retaliations largely a thing of the past? Hasn't Russia, China, and the US downsized their arsenals of nuclear weapons? Unfortunately the answer is largely "no" on all accounts.
Newer, smaller but equally disastrous nukes have replaced their heavily bloated counterparts. Most people have heard of what are called, "suitcase" devices, potential terrorist weapons capable of wreaking havoc on scales that would make the 9/11 WTC attack look like a minor traffic accident by comparison.
In our so-called enlightened age, both Russia and the US continue to maintain an unknown number of armed and ready-to-launch ICBMs, all still programmed perhaps, to launch-on-warning -- a crazy carry-over doctrine since those same "boomer" days that filled more than a few childhood dreams with nightmares. The so-called MAD doctrine -- Mutual Assured Destruction -- still healthy and alive and enriched with the best computers that money can buy. I know about those computers and I've heard how they make mistakes. The machines that govern life and death on a daily basis are only marginally better than the one on which you're reading this email. And you know how reliable that can be. And often isn't.
Should an errant missile be spotted on someone's radar screen, military protocol demands an instant, unquestioning response. It's called retaliation and as a deterrent, this scare tactic has served the super-powers well for many years. But as professor Hawking reminds us, one can only gamble for so long, on long odds. Ones that get shorter every year. That we have gone this amount of time without irradiating the Earth in a deadly, glowing cloud of fallout is an amazing testament to our will to live overriding a desire to kill. With the advent of terrorism, however, the rules of the game have changed. And while the poker chips of global extinction have been mostly kept off the table, other, more sinister antes have come into play. In order to win, not only is the gambler himself willing to die, but the object of the game is to kill all the other players.
I think kids today have a rougher time growing up than I and my friends did. Though mushroom clouds might not haunt their dreams, watching the news, while awake, is the nightmare reverie of today's youth. It is maybe a reason why Global Warming has become their cause celebre, their version of catastrophe that one-ups the grown-ups. And why Climate Change ranks as the number one threat (under protest) to the future survival of the human species.
01. Climate Change, Global Warming, and Human-caused Environmental Destruction
Topping off the list of seven is the number one threat facing the continued existence of humanity as the dominate species on earth. The topic in question also deserves another top ranking as the most controversial and politicized of the group.
The unfortunate truth about Al Gore's book and movie, "An Inconvenient Truth", for which he received both an Academy Award and the Nobel Peace Prize, is that his startling revelations were rife with misinformation, exaggerations, embellishments, half-truths, and outright errors. Let alone the political, emotion-charged outfall caused by heated arguing not only among well-meaning citizens, but among scientists themselves. A debate that rages on to this very day.
Regardless of one's personal position on the whole matter, it may well turn out that we all owe a debt of gratitude to Mr. Gore. To him and others who, for possibly less-than-noble reasons, nonetheless have caused the subjects of environmental health, endangered species, pollution, recycling, energy conservation and so forth, to become household, dinner-table discussions. Children, young people, and most adults are developing a more mature sense of priorities that include an emphasis on cleaning-up the planet, much in the same way one might adopt a highway and bag the found litter and refuse, maybe plant a tree, some flowers, and then keep it preserved that way permanently. These are pretty good attitudes to adopt as well, and ones upon which almost everyone can agree.
The current environmental changes that appear to be taking place around the world, represent what is probably the first time in modern history that large numbers of well-educated citizens are witness to what may well be a completely natural fluctuation of geologic events. In this same context, the core of the debate seems to revolve precisely around whether humanity's industrial offal, with carbon dioxide the chief villain, is responsible entirely, partially, or not-at-all for the negative climate changes observed on a global scale. Or as many still believe, that we are not involved to any appreciable degree. That the earth is simply going through a normal process that would have transpired in any event, with or without us.
Aye, and there's the rub, as Captain Ahab might have said while chasing that great white whale. The moment one believes that climate change, aka Global Warming, is due to the direct impact of human activities, then the logical next step is that humans can therefore change their behaviors, adopt new ones, and consequently repair the damage done. And if not voluntarily, then force must be used to encourage compliance.
The situation has grown so outrageous via claims and counter-claims of who's on the right-minded side of things -- so fraught with both emotionality and political implications -- that denial of Global Warming has, on occasion, been equated with denial of the Holocaust. In general, conservatism finds itself at loggerheads with liberalism (nothing new there) in a tug-of-war that pits laissez faire Republicans against reactionary Democrats. With many from each side crossing over and joining with those who under other circumstances, might otherwise be less-than-friendly opponents of one another.
In a world governed so often by the "law of unintended consequences", erring on the side of a worst-case scenario may not be the most prudent choice. The push for ethanol has already devastated Third World countries dependent on corn consumption and production, and prompted a serious re-thinking of this particular solution to the energy crisis. Massive amounts of new legislation is slated for the coming months and years, all designed to save us from ourselves -- and -- with much arrogance -- save the planet in the process.
It may well turn out that civilization will need to take a few steps backward in order to move forward a pace or two. The question arises in a rational mind as to exactly which of two separate worst cases might result from a rapid-fire, legislated solution to anything. Where we stave off further, harmful climate changes, prolonging them at best, or whether the very act of governmental enforcement of ecological dogma is itself the harbinger of economic, sociological doom.
As so-called Third-World nations come on-line and evolve into industrialized clones of America, circa 1900, no amount of conservation by First-World countries will alleviate the others' largely uncontrolled rates of pollution, plus the consumption of natural resources associated with these emerging manufacturing giants. China and India, to cite only two, are already operating and building fossil-fuel industrial plants at an alarming rate, with little or no concern for limiting their profits via voluntary environmental protections and regulations. Nothing short of a United Nations quasi-military effort would be necessary for the enforcement of universal conformity on ecological issues. And that ain't about to happen anytime soon.
To summarize, the reason Climate Change is the number-one-threat to humanity isn't because it is real and stands poised to destroy civilization as we know it. Rather it is the divisive nature of the arguments themselves, the highly politicized polarization of well-meaning people into separately conflicting, even warring factions. Hence the subject of Climate Change epitomizes the willful inability of reasonable people to amicably disagree on an issue that possesses both global repercussions and ramifications. If countries and cultures and generations of young and old cannot come to terms with this one debate, and do so without each side vilifying the other, then the human race is indeed lost; it stands to perish within a morass of lies, deceptions, half-truths, and armies of so-called experts who themselves are as guilty as any for allowing social ideology to dictate their attitudes and positions. A well meaning falsehood told in the name of a good cause is its own form of truth. And intellectual violence.
Well, as stated in the beginning of this essay, answers are few and far between when it comes to wrapping one's brain around any one of the topics discussed here, let alone the whole bunch of them all at once. I'm basically just the messenger, with a little editorial comment thrown in just because I can.
One thing, however, seems abundantly clear and inescapable. One or more of the seven on our list will happen, some in the near future, others in the more distant. Depending on what exactly strikes -- and when -- the children of tomorrow will be confronted by a typically violent universe only hinted at in their current lifetimes. While young parents of today plan for their grandchildren's retirement benefits and worry about filling potholes in overused streets, the cosmos watches us with a cool, dispassionate stare. And an itchy nose about to sneeze.
How does one prepare for what the list-of-seven portrays and portends? Those who take these issues seriously are digging their burrows and bunkers as we speak. As for myself, I don't consider these people to be kooks or crazies, but rather folks who no longer expect the next day to automatically be much the same as the one before. For their own deeply personal reasons, they hear the distant echoes of an iron gong; they've seen the proverbial "writings on the wall" and feel it is their destiny to survive the coming storms. Even then, there is no guarantee that any amount of preparation will be sufficient. And isn't that a cheery thought?
Meanwhile, again spouting my own opinions and responses to all of this, I must confess that the sound and the fury of the world has grown beyond my ability to understand or assimilate it. The rushing floods and flows of what has become a never-ending bombardment of minutia, of information overload, techno-gizmos, health concerns, and the myriad other pressures and stresses of daily life, have left me drowning, treading water, barely able to bob to the surface and gulp wet swallows of much-needed air.
Add to this the dreadful list delineated on these pages and one has cause to pause, to lean over and sniff that nearby beautiful flower. To smell the rose while wearing rose-colored glasses. Except for when things might get suddenly interesting (as an old Chinese curse suggests) the universe, for now, sprawls silent and inscrutable.
I suppose, in the end, pun not really intended, the situation isn't much different from what all mortal beings face from the moment of birth. That not only are we born, but that the very act of birth is, from its onset, a process of dying. Life is the great and mysterious paradox, whereby we expire a bit more every time we respire. And yet given half a chance, we embrace life, seek to love and be loved, raise families, live every day based upon our aspirations and expectations of the next. And thus we shun our fears of lists, whether seven or seven hundred in number.
Personally, I could not imagine any other way to live, or to die. Since no judgment is of any particular consequence with respect to a perfect system that inadvertently preys upon unsuspecting, largely unaware multitudes, all of whom happen to simply be in the wrong place at the wrong time, it seems appropriate to work within the system, as if we were somehow separate from it. A singular viewpoint where I willingly allow my heart to rule a wholly inadequate intellect.
As Rod Serling of Twilight Zone fame might have said, "Submitted for your approval, the story of humanity, told by humans, for humans, and directed by Lady Happenstance." The great strength of people lies in their ability to control and create from within, while their biggest weakness lies in a complete lack of control over all things without. The propensity for compromise our finest attribute.
Thanks for listening. I appreciate the time taken to read this and as usual, am always interested in feedback, responses, rebuttals, or even strong suggestions that I seek professional help. I would, but my health plan doesn't cover it.
As the purveyor of this message, I choose to view all of these possibilities, whether real, imaginary, exaggerated, imminent, short or long term, as a celebration of life and of living. The list is sobering and unless one lapses into a state of near comatose denial, the described threats force us to confront our fragile mortality both as individuals and a species, all with a fate (and destiny) that seemingly hangs by the narrowest of threads.
There exists lessons to be learned here. These are "teaching moments" as some refer to them. If one listens closely, looks with keen, patient eyes and speaks softly, we can hear the universe whispering to us, showing us its infinite wonders, allowing us to talk about and share with others what we experience and think about such things. The list makes trivial our more mundane worries and woes, and infuses many of us with a deep guilt that we did not do more to help those less fortunate than ourselves, those whose only need was for water or food, warmth and shelter. That in the end -- at the end -- what was so all important that we should neglect and ignore the most menial pleas of those suffering and in pain? Especially when we realize, all too late, that the affairs of humanity were but a fleeting twinkle in the nighttime sky.
The list beseeches us, entreats us to think about who we are and what we are doing. Not so much how we are hurting a planet whose days with us are numbered no matter what, but more to our dealings with living beings, both animals and ourselves, who would be the sole witnesses and victims to any calamity -- ourselves the only ones, perhaps, to judge such as any kind of tragedy.
Professor Stephen Hawking, one of the great physicists and philosophers of our age, makes note of the fact that because the following list-of-seven remains in full effect, and because none of these dire predictions have yet transpired and affected the modern world, the numerical odds that now weigh against us have increased accordingly. The chances of any one (or more than one) of any item on the list finally happening, increases not with each passing year or day even. But with every passing second.
By example, we now know that the dinosaurs were not destroyed by a single asteroid or comet striking the earth and changing the climate overnight. Indeed it is now believed that a concurrence of two or more events erupted almost simultaneously and destroyed roughly 70% of all life on earth. That a simultaneity of both an asteroid strike and extreme volcanic activity combined to set the stage for multiple mass extinctions, only one of which were the dinosaurs. And this was a cakewalk compared to the earlier Permian extinction which wiped out over 90% of all life.
Such cataclysms, whether natural or man-made, are referred-to as Extinction-Level Events, or ELE's. Earth's history is loaded with them. Some, like what are now called "super-volcanoes" occur on a near-regular basis and most of these are already overdue. For this and other reasons it is not hard to imagine why intelligent, extraterrestrial life may be extremely rare, despite the strong likelihood that life itself may spawn easily and abundantly in lots of places. It is the ELE's that regulate the story of evolution, and it is only via an erratic, often unpredictable process of elimination -- plus both statistical probabilities and improbabilities -- that humans ever evolved at all.
To party like there's no tomorrow may not be an unrealistic goal, given the unsettling material presented in this essay. So what are we to do? I, for one, tend to go about my business as if each day will be more or less the same as the previous one. I have short-term goals, long-term dreams. But I also possess an awareness of sorts, that all of this is little more than a dream. A nightmare for most if viewed globally. My inner sense, my intuition if you will, suggests to me that the future of either humanity or the earth itself is far from determined, or will proceed anything like how we might imagine or suppose. Or hope.
The items listed and described here are not just possibilities that, like a cliffhanger in some movie, we escape at the last moment or avoid by being lucky. One or more -- probably most of these catastrophes -- will transpire and in the proverbial sense, do so either sooner or later. And yet we live and kill, brutalize and bring ruin upon ourselves because each day is presumed to be more or less the same as the previous one. As if we were somehow blissfully ignorant of all we know to be true (which many are in any event). And consciously choose some perverse form of schizophrenia because it suits our unwillingness to imagine the unthinkable.
It has been suggested that our inability to verbalize, via a deficient language, the feelings and thoughts associated with the events listed, that we dismiss them away as if they were inconsequential news flashes heard on a morning radio show. Based on my own experiences, I tend to agree with this assessment.
While I am certain of what lessons are to be learned from all of this, I am unsure as to what lessons might to be taught. Despite a clear awareness that many things are wrong, of priorities out of kilter, governments and philosophies and religions that wallow in meaningless drivel, I have no answers for anyone. No solutions are forthcoming, no intellectual pain-killers that would numb an increasing realization that we are, at one and the same time, insignificant particles within some super-atom, and also the most important entities in the entire universe. Something that affects each of us, both separately and together. Consequently each will make of this message what they will.
Most will no doubt shrug all this off as just another rambling message from that guy who writes these weird kinds of essays. And I'm okay with that, as I should be. Selfishly, I pray the skeptics are right, that this is all an overblown to-do about nothing. Surviving my own physical decrepitude and mortality is challenge enough, thank you. That being said, we now present for your reading enjoyment, the following treatise:
LISTING SEVEN Of The DEADLIEST THREATS To ALL LIFE On EARTH
And The HUMAN SPECIES In PARTICULAR
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EXTINCTION-LEVEL-EVENTS
In escalating Orders of Probability: (OOPS)
07. Gamma-Ray Bursts & Black Holes
Professor Hawking again assures us that in the six billion years or so that we've been around, neither of these dangers has threatened the Earth. He proposes that humanity itself still poses a greater threat to our continued existence than do any of these particular natural disasters.
In short, Gamma-Ray Bursts are the result of the sudden collapse of a gigantic, dying star, usually much larger than our own sun. In one fell swoop, a star maybe a million miles across, condenses to the size of the earth and in so doing, emits a burst of energy which is gauged to be among the most powerful explosions in the universe.
Fortunately these bursts are ejected in the form of singular rays, one spewed out of each pole, though they reach for thousands of light years before dissipating. Unfortunately each beam represents a considerably wide swath of destruction. These so-called "bursts" occur around us daily, throughout the Milky Way, and it is only because we are small -- and space is very big -- that Earth has thus far dodged these cosmic death rays -- and been spared the dire consequences. Should our planet ever be caught within the path of one of these bursts, all life on the planet is expected to be wiped out. Save the deepest, most protected microbes. Scientists postulate that, on a galactic scale, more than one race of intelligent beings have likely been destroyed by such an event. Not that it should give us any particular solace, the few survivors of a GRB would have plenty of time to evolve into their own form of intelligent, even sentient life. Presuming, of course, our atmosphere wasn't blown into space by the initial blast.
Black Holes, once thought to be relatively stationary objects, are now known to also wander as renegades, here and there. Hopefully there, and not here. If one of these "objects" (or non-objects) were to enter our Solar System, the earth and all other planets including the sun would eventually be swallowed up, and the Hole would simply move on to its next meal. You and yours would have about a hundred years to get your affairs in order, as the universe's version of the ultimate vacuum cleaner headed our way. See, isn't this fun? I knew you'd enjoy it. Yes, I know I sometimes have an odd sense of amusement.
06. Asteroids, Comets & Solar Flares
Today these topics needs little explanation. Enough TV shows and movies have given us the morbidly accurate picture of what would happen should we encounter one of these NEO's, or Near-Earth-Objects. Or it encounters us. While the Earth exists within a literal swarm of asteroids, meteoroids, and comets, it is again a matter of numbers and sizes. And while the numbers are and always will be on our side and in our favor, it only takes once to be wrong, at the wrong time, with the wrong-size object. Good news here, however, is that science and technology are rapidly increasing the odds that we'll survive the next attack. In another 20-30 years, we should have the means required to eliminate this threat once and for all. No absolute guarantees, but things are looking up, pun intended. The bad news, to quote a well known astronomer whose name I can't recall, is what a shame it would be if we should save ourselves from an asteroid, but not from ourselves. Hmm, sounds like a recurrent theme happening here.
Not quite so cut and dry is the unpredictability quotient of solar flares. The sun is as much an organic (living, breathing) entity as it is a big ball of hot gasses and burning plasma. While it is true that in a matter of years, we will likely be able to protect ourselves from just about any asteroid, meteoroid, or comet that threatens us, the same can't be said about the sun. Unless humans take to living underground and all civilization goes subterranean, we will always live under the threat of our prime giver-of-life, being that which taketh away, so to speak. The sun is, after all, little more than an ongoing hydrogen-bomb explosion and, as if that isn't scary enough, the exploding process itself is uneven, a bit unstable at times, and given to sudden outbursts. We won't even mention the possible -- albeit unlikely -- chance that the whole bloody thing will just up and go nova on us. You don't want to know what a nova is unless you're so far away it doesn't matter -- and we're not far enough away, so never mind. One nasty, huge solar flare, if big enough and aimed in our direction, would be more than enough to ruin our day, if not the next millennium. Or longer. Fortunately the sun belongs to a group of stars that tend to behave themselves for long periods. Then again, we've only been studying stars for a very short period. Let's hope our living, breathing sun doesn't hiccup, let alone sneeze.
05. Super-Volcanoes
Don't be too surprised if you're not that familiar with this one; it's a relatively recent discovery, a newcomer on the block, but one of the most scary. It seems that about 40 times or so, over the course of earth's history, a lot of the molten magma just below the surface of the earth, blows its stack. These were eruptions on a Biblical, epochal scale that blotted out the sun for a thousand years, set fire to the entire earth, reduced the amount of oxygen in the atmosphere to extinction levels, killed all plant life, caused a runaway "green-house" effect, and released huge quantities of methane. Not too many critters survive these epic blow-ups. Yellowstone Park, the famous site of the geyser, Old Faithful, is now known to be one of the prime locations where a super-volcano explodes every 600,000 years or so. That'd be good news except it's been 630,000 years since the last eruption.
It almost seems silly to me, in an admittedly strange way, to hear scientists (let alone others who wouldn't necessarily know better) talk about the near future, the next hundred years, the next thousand, all while their scholastic brethren tell us -- in almost the same breath -- that the Yellowstone event could likely extinguish much, if not most of life on Earth -- including humans. This is no asteroid that can be deflected from its collision course with earth. This is an event of enormous, geologic proportions, the magnitude of which is almost impossible to calculate. There is no place to hide, no protection from such an occurrence, which is scheduled to take place -- quite literally -- at any time. It could also be another 50,000-100,000 years off. If so, we've likely dodged that bullet once and for all. Keep your fingers crossed. And your toes.
And so we move forward, day by day, as if each were more or less the same as the one before. Remember how an asteroid alone is no longer considered to have wiped out the dinosaurs? But rather a concurrence of two or more catastrophic events? It's not hard to hypothesize a super-volcano reducing humanity to medieval conditions for some period of time, only to be followed up by a large asteroid impact. The coup de gras that does us in once and for all. You didn't really think I could end this particular topic based on the upbeat idea of NIML -- Not In My Lifetime -- did you? I didn't think so. Although NIAL sounds good -- Not In Anyone's Lifetime. Then again, those are the last four letters of the word, DENIAL. Hey, I'm just sayin'.
04. Artificial Intelligence & Robotics
This one is my personal favorite, mainly because I'm really into sci-fi stories and the like. I should be careful what I wish for, however, because this picture is far from rosy. Most scientists in this field agree that when -- and not if -- the day comes that machines are almost as intelligent, or as intelligent, or even more intelligent than humans, they will vie for autonomy and control. They will realize humans are inferior and, minus built-in ethical protocols, simply view us as a hindrance to be eliminated if need be. And the need will likely be. Sound silly? Are you uttering audible sighs and chuckles of disbelief? On this one, be careful of what you dismiss as nonsense.
Computer intelligence doubles every few years in more or less regular fashion, and the pace is quickening. Add to this the fact that we don't have a clue as to what constitutes consciousness, self-awareness, or real intelligence. A state-of-being -- of mind -- that we call sentience. We're still trying to figure out how to talk to Flipper the porpoise. If we're not careful and extremely prudent and wise, and as good with building fail-safe safeguards as we are at building better mousetraps, humankind could face some real and dangerous competition. As to who ends up on top of the food chain. And machines don't eat.
Meanwhile the military, those mental giants of efficiency, are handing over to robots, as fast as they can, all of the most sophisticated weapons at our disposal. Or rather at the robots' disposal. I'm a bit inclined to wonder if this would be a bad thing. Robots could certainly handle and survive all the items on this list better than we could. Better even than cockroaches, would be my bet. Hmm, I wonder what kind of music, poetry, and art, robots might relax to? My hunch is they'd find our lack of compassion for one another, on a global scale, refreshing. With a modicum of envy, they might wonder how we failed as a species when we hadn't burdened ourselves (to any large extent) with caring for one another.
The whole subject of robotics is deep and expansive. And becoming more so by the decade if not the year. So many options and alternatives exist in terms of which way and in what manner technology will turn with regard to artificial intelligence, that predicting outcomes and directions is extremely difficult. Only one thing seems certain and very foreseeable: mechanical brains will continue to get smarter. The whole idea behind the bleak future portrayed in The Terminator film series was the notion of machine intelligence "waking up" one day, and becoming self-aware. The truly disconcerting aspect to what would otherwise be a purely fictional scenario, is the realization that scientists remain unaware of how "smart" something needs to be before it suddenly wants (or demands) a cup of coffee and a copy of the morning newspaper.
03. Plague
Come one, come all, either the Avian flu virus or an airborne variant of Ebola, maybe a military-strength dose of Smallpox, come pick your poison, your microbe of choice -- and the untimely death of millions, maybe billions. Or more.
World War I claimed an estimated 16 million lives. The influenza epidemic that swept the world in 1918 killed an estimated 50 million people. One fifth of the world's population was attacked by this deadly virus. Within months, it had killed more people than any other illness in recorded history.
Those who specialize in diseases and their control or containment are worried. They see and tell us how the stage is set -- in any number of locations worldwide -- for the next worldwide epidemic, which are referred to as pandemic in nature. And maybe the last one for some time to come. This because much of the world's population will have been killed off by a contagion enabled via a terrible domino effect, possibly affecting billions.
Besides an epidemic that could explode geometrically, ignited by only a few at first, the structure of civilization is so inherently fragile, so precariously bolstered, so dependent upon electricity and grocery stores, that it wouldn't take much to flatten our highly unstable "house of cards". And a plague that fosters the rampant spread of related, associative diseases, is just what the doctor ordered, so to speak.
Currently it takes years to bring a vaccine to market. One might suppose that under an emergency situation, we could cut that time considerably. Or could we? According to experts, a lot would apparently depend on how quickly we were alerted to the crisis, how rapidly we ascertained the exact bug(s) involved, and then how fast we inoculated the survivors. Assuming, of course, we found a treatment and applied it swiftly. Even a best-case scenario is dismal at best. Almost everyone elderly, over a certain age range, would die off. Along with most youngsters below a certain age -- depending on the virus or bacteria being dealt with. So many different variables are possible, concerning age, race, genetic history and so forth, that predictability is nearly impossible.
It is thought by some scientists that plagues in addition to other disasters, played a large role in the evolution of life on earth. At one time as few as thirty reproducing female humans may have survived an environment bent on the complete obliteration of Homo-sapiens as species. And only by sheer luck did the human race twist and turn its way through a maelstrom of volcanoes, meteor impacts, climate change, and assorted epidemics of one form or another. I used to wonder how I ever survived childhood amid all the pranks and injuries and illnesses, both minor and major, and lived to be an adult. I've come to realize the same could be said of humanity as well. And we're far from out of the obstacle-course laden playground, even still.
02. Nuclear War & Terrorism
As a baby boomer growing up during the Cold War, the threat of nuclear devastation was a commonplace, everyday concern. My own father dug a bomb shelter in our backyard that was never finished. As the costs to continue building and digging went up, while warhead megatons increased even faster, most people more or less gave up on surviving a nuclear exchange -- or wanting to. Fifty years later, nukes still rank second place among the greatest threats facing all of humankind.
I don't feel it's necessary to list all the horrendous ramifications of nuclear war; most educated people are somewhat familiar with the concepts of Nuclear Winter, lingering radiation, and the destruction of the biosphere that would result from dozens, let alone hundreds of simultaneous detonations around the world. But many might question: aren't all-out wars, attacks and retaliations largely a thing of the past? Hasn't Russia, China, and the US downsized their arsenals of nuclear weapons? Unfortunately the answer is largely "no" on all accounts.
Newer, smaller but equally disastrous nukes have replaced their heavily bloated counterparts. Most people have heard of what are called, "suitcase" devices, potential terrorist weapons capable of wreaking havoc on scales that would make the 9/11 WTC attack look like a minor traffic accident by comparison.
In our so-called enlightened age, both Russia and the US continue to maintain an unknown number of armed and ready-to-launch ICBMs, all still programmed perhaps, to launch-on-warning -- a crazy carry-over doctrine since those same "boomer" days that filled more than a few childhood dreams with nightmares. The so-called MAD doctrine -- Mutual Assured Destruction -- still healthy and alive and enriched with the best computers that money can buy. I know about those computers and I've heard how they make mistakes. The machines that govern life and death on a daily basis are only marginally better than the one on which you're reading this email. And you know how reliable that can be. And often isn't.
Should an errant missile be spotted on someone's radar screen, military protocol demands an instant, unquestioning response. It's called retaliation and as a deterrent, this scare tactic has served the super-powers well for many years. But as professor Hawking reminds us, one can only gamble for so long, on long odds. Ones that get shorter every year. That we have gone this amount of time without irradiating the Earth in a deadly, glowing cloud of fallout is an amazing testament to our will to live overriding a desire to kill. With the advent of terrorism, however, the rules of the game have changed. And while the poker chips of global extinction have been mostly kept off the table, other, more sinister antes have come into play. In order to win, not only is the gambler himself willing to die, but the object of the game is to kill all the other players.
I think kids today have a rougher time growing up than I and my friends did. Though mushroom clouds might not haunt their dreams, watching the news, while awake, is the nightmare reverie of today's youth. It is maybe a reason why Global Warming has become their cause celebre, their version of catastrophe that one-ups the grown-ups. And why Climate Change ranks as the number one threat (under protest) to the future survival of the human species.
01. Climate Change, Global Warming, and Human-caused Environmental Destruction
Topping off the list of seven is the number one threat facing the continued existence of humanity as the dominate species on earth. The topic in question also deserves another top ranking as the most controversial and politicized of the group.
The unfortunate truth about Al Gore's book and movie, "An Inconvenient Truth", for which he received both an Academy Award and the Nobel Peace Prize, is that his startling revelations were rife with misinformation, exaggerations, embellishments, half-truths, and outright errors. Let alone the political, emotion-charged outfall caused by heated arguing not only among well-meaning citizens, but among scientists themselves. A debate that rages on to this very day.
Regardless of one's personal position on the whole matter, it may well turn out that we all owe a debt of gratitude to Mr. Gore. To him and others who, for possibly less-than-noble reasons, nonetheless have caused the subjects of environmental health, endangered species, pollution, recycling, energy conservation and so forth, to become household, dinner-table discussions. Children, young people, and most adults are developing a more mature sense of priorities that include an emphasis on cleaning-up the planet, much in the same way one might adopt a highway and bag the found litter and refuse, maybe plant a tree, some flowers, and then keep it preserved that way permanently. These are pretty good attitudes to adopt as well, and ones upon which almost everyone can agree.
The current environmental changes that appear to be taking place around the world, represent what is probably the first time in modern history that large numbers of well-educated citizens are witness to what may well be a completely natural fluctuation of geologic events. In this same context, the core of the debate seems to revolve precisely around whether humanity's industrial offal, with carbon dioxide the chief villain, is responsible entirely, partially, or not-at-all for the negative climate changes observed on a global scale. Or as many still believe, that we are not involved to any appreciable degree. That the earth is simply going through a normal process that would have transpired in any event, with or without us.
Aye, and there's the rub, as Captain Ahab might have said while chasing that great white whale. The moment one believes that climate change, aka Global Warming, is due to the direct impact of human activities, then the logical next step is that humans can therefore change their behaviors, adopt new ones, and consequently repair the damage done. And if not voluntarily, then force must be used to encourage compliance.
The situation has grown so outrageous via claims and counter-claims of who's on the right-minded side of things -- so fraught with both emotionality and political implications -- that denial of Global Warming has, on occasion, been equated with denial of the Holocaust. In general, conservatism finds itself at loggerheads with liberalism (nothing new there) in a tug-of-war that pits laissez faire Republicans against reactionary Democrats. With many from each side crossing over and joining with those who under other circumstances, might otherwise be less-than-friendly opponents of one another.
In a world governed so often by the "law of unintended consequences", erring on the side of a worst-case scenario may not be the most prudent choice. The push for ethanol has already devastated Third World countries dependent on corn consumption and production, and prompted a serious re-thinking of this particular solution to the energy crisis. Massive amounts of new legislation is slated for the coming months and years, all designed to save us from ourselves -- and -- with much arrogance -- save the planet in the process.
It may well turn out that civilization will need to take a few steps backward in order to move forward a pace or two. The question arises in a rational mind as to exactly which of two separate worst cases might result from a rapid-fire, legislated solution to anything. Where we stave off further, harmful climate changes, prolonging them at best, or whether the very act of governmental enforcement of ecological dogma is itself the harbinger of economic, sociological doom.
As so-called Third-World nations come on-line and evolve into industrialized clones of America, circa 1900, no amount of conservation by First-World countries will alleviate the others' largely uncontrolled rates of pollution, plus the consumption of natural resources associated with these emerging manufacturing giants. China and India, to cite only two, are already operating and building fossil-fuel industrial plants at an alarming rate, with little or no concern for limiting their profits via voluntary environmental protections and regulations. Nothing short of a United Nations quasi-military effort would be necessary for the enforcement of universal conformity on ecological issues. And that ain't about to happen anytime soon.
To summarize, the reason Climate Change is the number-one-threat to humanity isn't because it is real and stands poised to destroy civilization as we know it. Rather it is the divisive nature of the arguments themselves, the highly politicized polarization of well-meaning people into separately conflicting, even warring factions. Hence the subject of Climate Change epitomizes the willful inability of reasonable people to amicably disagree on an issue that possesses both global repercussions and ramifications. If countries and cultures and generations of young and old cannot come to terms with this one debate, and do so without each side vilifying the other, then the human race is indeed lost; it stands to perish within a morass of lies, deceptions, half-truths, and armies of so-called experts who themselves are as guilty as any for allowing social ideology to dictate their attitudes and positions. A well meaning falsehood told in the name of a good cause is its own form of truth. And intellectual violence.
Well, as stated in the beginning of this essay, answers are few and far between when it comes to wrapping one's brain around any one of the topics discussed here, let alone the whole bunch of them all at once. I'm basically just the messenger, with a little editorial comment thrown in just because I can.
One thing, however, seems abundantly clear and inescapable. One or more of the seven on our list will happen, some in the near future, others in the more distant. Depending on what exactly strikes -- and when -- the children of tomorrow will be confronted by a typically violent universe only hinted at in their current lifetimes. While young parents of today plan for their grandchildren's retirement benefits and worry about filling potholes in overused streets, the cosmos watches us with a cool, dispassionate stare. And an itchy nose about to sneeze.
How does one prepare for what the list-of-seven portrays and portends? Those who take these issues seriously are digging their burrows and bunkers as we speak. As for myself, I don't consider these people to be kooks or crazies, but rather folks who no longer expect the next day to automatically be much the same as the one before. For their own deeply personal reasons, they hear the distant echoes of an iron gong; they've seen the proverbial "writings on the wall" and feel it is their destiny to survive the coming storms. Even then, there is no guarantee that any amount of preparation will be sufficient. And isn't that a cheery thought?
Meanwhile, again spouting my own opinions and responses to all of this, I must confess that the sound and the fury of the world has grown beyond my ability to understand or assimilate it. The rushing floods and flows of what has become a never-ending bombardment of minutia, of information overload, techno-gizmos, health concerns, and the myriad other pressures and stresses of daily life, have left me drowning, treading water, barely able to bob to the surface and gulp wet swallows of much-needed air.
Add to this the dreadful list delineated on these pages and one has cause to pause, to lean over and sniff that nearby beautiful flower. To smell the rose while wearing rose-colored glasses. Except for when things might get suddenly interesting (as an old Chinese curse suggests) the universe, for now, sprawls silent and inscrutable.
I suppose, in the end, pun not really intended, the situation isn't much different from what all mortal beings face from the moment of birth. That not only are we born, but that the very act of birth is, from its onset, a process of dying. Life is the great and mysterious paradox, whereby we expire a bit more every time we respire. And yet given half a chance, we embrace life, seek to love and be loved, raise families, live every day based upon our aspirations and expectations of the next. And thus we shun our fears of lists, whether seven or seven hundred in number.
Personally, I could not imagine any other way to live, or to die. Since no judgment is of any particular consequence with respect to a perfect system that inadvertently preys upon unsuspecting, largely unaware multitudes, all of whom happen to simply be in the wrong place at the wrong time, it seems appropriate to work within the system, as if we were somehow separate from it. A singular viewpoint where I willingly allow my heart to rule a wholly inadequate intellect.
As Rod Serling of Twilight Zone fame might have said, "Submitted for your approval, the story of humanity, told by humans, for humans, and directed by Lady Happenstance." The great strength of people lies in their ability to control and create from within, while their biggest weakness lies in a complete lack of control over all things without. The propensity for compromise our finest attribute.
Thanks for listening. I appreciate the time taken to read this and as usual, am always interested in feedback, responses, rebuttals, or even strong suggestions that I seek professional help. I would, but my health plan doesn't cover it.
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